Day: March 29, 2022

Been awhile since YHC led here and the AO never disappoints! Today was one big Omaha and it never surprises me when that happens. You plan and prepare and then something out there intrudes on the plan! That something is called the real world. And it deals us all very cruel blows when we least expect it. But, if we are resilient, we make it into a force for good and even getting better. So today we did that.

Went like this:

COP:

SSH-Bs X 5

IWs X 20

Grasspickers X 20

Grapevines

Mosey over to the bridge and the gate is LOCKED! There goes that plan! So we adapt.

Start with 5 burpees at the bottom of the hill for suicides:

First pole: 5 Big boys, back to the bottom and 5 burpees

Second Pole: 10 big boys, back to the bottom and 5 burpees

Third pole: 15 BBs, back to the bottom for 5 burpees

Fourth Pole: 20 BBs, 5 burpees at the bottom.

Mosey over to the gazebo area for some work:

10 dirkins, 10 stepups, 10 dips

On the green line, bear crawl to the top, mosey back down.

Repeat work above,  15X each this time we do lunges up to the top, mosey back.

Rinse and repeat, 20X each, burpee broad jumps to the top.

Time for some triple nickel action – on the big hill:

Bottom: Plank jacks X 5

Top: LBCs X 5

“Top”defined by the second “light” or third pole up the hill.

Time for COT and pledge.

NMM:

Not what I thought it would be but then again what is? We got it done and everyone had a beat down. Why else would you show? Life throws stuff at you. all the time. Is it an opportunity? Kind of what you make it. I can tell you all about that! The obstacle is the way men. Go towards it!

Tesla

The plan was to meet at  BallJoint’s place at 2:45am and head out 3am. At 3:01 still no BallJoint, he finally showed and we left at 3:15am for the adventure ahead, 206.7 miles over the next 30 so hours.  Our start time for the F3Gashouse Coconut Horses was 5:45am in Lexington, SC just outside of Columbia.

Van 1 – AKA: The Folsom Hammers consisted of:

A Commander of the USS Enterprise – Shatner – our Chauffeur/companion runner

A somewhat professional welder – Sparky – Navigator/companion runner

A Dookie professional and part time concrete guy – RoundUp

A ‘used’ tool saleman / snap on guy – GearWrench

A bone marrow eating/bone broth drinking – no Carb animal – Wichita

A master of words / medical selling machine – Bedpan

A 6:40 pacer / race car driving / part time mechanic – BallJoint

A cool Star Wars worm/pit guy – YHC Sarlacc

The first 2 hours driving to the start location consisted of various stories from Sparky and Shatner’s vasectomies to Bedpan’s Strip club with his mom to RoundUp’s, you guessed it, dookie stories to Sparky’s WWJD store (yes, What Would Jesus Do).

So a little in site to the stories:

Sparky and Shatner both shared stories from the vasectomies and were talking about the problems they experienced from it. Sparky claims that he took pictures and sent pictures of his ‘Grapefruit’ size balls.

Bedpan shared with us a story about how he and his mom were invited to go to a Strip club together…….did it happen? you ask The Pan.

RoundUp the only one of us to take a pooh in the woods while at an exchange zone, yes there was port a potties but he said he couldn’t make it that far. His Dookie balls story is a classic. Him and his dad, Hacksaw in a public restroom and Hacksaw blows out some ‘dookie balls’ and they come running under the stall to RoundUp. Follow up that one with either HIM.

Sparky shared a story about him in his young foolish days with some of his friends and the Cops show up. His buddy gets shoved up against their Jeep by the officer. His buddy sees the officer has a WWJD bracelet on and his buddy says to the officer, “Sir, Jesus would not have shoved me that hard against that Jeep.” Office says, sorry. The real question I know are asking, Did Sparky go to jail that nigh? You ask him.

After laughing so hard at all the stories, Shatner or Oh Shat, landed the USS Enterprise at The Launching Pad for the start of the Race around 5am. We collected all of the race collateral and the waiting began for the 5:45 am start.

Leg 1: BedPan lead the team off with 6.77 miler and had 3 kills. While BedPan was out, RoundUp informed us that we has going to run the Leg 2 (10.52 miles) as a warm up for his Leg 3.

Leg 2: Wichita/RoundUp ran 10.52 miles with 2 kills.

Leg 3: RoundUp/Sparky ran 3.32 miles with 0 kills.

Leg 4: BallJoint ran 4.52 miles with 5 kills at 6:40 pace fyi he drank a beer after his leg

Leg 5: GearWrench ran 7.64 miles with 2 kills.

Leg 6: YHC Sarlacc ran 6.29 miles with 0 kills.

We had exchange with Van 2 at this point and headed off to get some well deserved grub. If you are ever in the Santee Area, check our Lone Start BBQ – fantastic food and neat area. After getting our bodies full we headed to rest a little at the next Van exchange at Lake Marion. I look up and what do my eyes see, a  Chippendales model in ranger panties in Lake Marion. Yes, Wichita is standing in 60 degree water and all of a sudden goes under. He comes back and talks RoundUp, Bedpan and GearWrench to join him. If you are a Facebook person, go to RoundUp’s page and see the Live video he did, worth the laugh. We later were informed by the park ranger who stopped by to say hi to us, that they have some 16 ft alligators in the water and they live in a pond just feet away from where our boys are getting some Cold Water Therapy.

By far, our biggest treat was the arrival to this exchange zone from a Giant Penguin, Big Pappy made the 2 plus hour drive to just to come see us and give us encouragement. He is a true HIM.

It’s finally time for the exchange from Van 2 back to us for our 2nd legs.

Leg 13: BedPan ran 3.53 miles with 2 kills.

Leg 14: Wichita ran 5.51 miles with 1 kill.

Leg 15: RoundUp ran 8.85 miles with 5 kills at 7:35 pace

Leg 16: BallJoint ran 7.42 miles with 2 kills at 7:40 pace he drank a beer after his leg

Leg 17: GearWrench ran 2.45 miles with 0 kills

Leg 18: YHC Sarlacc/Shatner ran 9.68 miles with 0 kills

We had our 2nd exchange with Van 2 and tried to find some much needed food. It was close to midnight and Waffle House is usually the only thing open. We tried 2 different Waffle Houses that told us they were closed or taking online orders only. We headed to a gas station to get some petro and trash food from inside to hold us over. We then headed to the next van exchange zone to try to get some much needed rest. Let the snoring begin. Oh my word, never in my life have I heard anyone snore as loud as Bedpan. He was in the back part of the van that is separated by a wall and he was shaking the windows. Wichita and Sparky were outside on the ground in 40 degree weather. YHC got 0, that is ZERO sleep. I need my CPAP and just can’t sleep without it.

The time came for us to make our way to get the slap bracelet from Van 2 and get our 3rd and final legs underway.

Leg 25: BedPan ran 2.43 miles with 1 kill.

Leg 26: Wichita ran 3.78 miles with 0 kills.

Leg 27: RoundUp ran 7.53 miles with 3 kills at 7:40 pace

Leg 28: BallJoint ran 8.08 miles with 3 kills at 7:39 pace he drank a beer after his leg

Leg 29: GearWrench/Sparky ran 4.59 miles with 0 kills

Leg 30: YHC Sarlacc ran 3.46 miles with 0 kills

We handed the slap bracelet off to Van 2 for the last time and headed to Cracker Barrel for some much need food. We eat everything in sight. We even had the Zero Carb man (Wichita) eat half a jelly biscuit with butter. After eating we heading to the finish line to wait for Van 2 to arrive. Once we see Freight coming, we join in for the last 100 yards or so and cross the finish line together. We stood around for a while and some had a few beers and a few tacos and brats. We took a great picture and headed to the hotel to check in and get ready for dinner.

YHC suggested one of my favorite Charleston locations for dinner, Page’s Okra Grill in Shim Creek. After dinner several guys hung the lobby to watch a little NCAA basketball while others headed to the rooms for rest.

It was an amazing race and I had the honor and privilege of being the Captain for the team. Special thanks to Shatner for driving Van 1.

I’m Sarlacc and I’m Out, until the next one……….May the force be with you…….

Bone broth with a double side of mustard or the tall tales of the 2022 P200 Gashouse Coconut Horses Van 2 TEAM TASSEL:

Need a ride?
The crack of dawn

Four perfect strangers skulked around the backside of Pocket’s garage like a bunch of henchmen from a low-budget straight-to video B movie waiting for our getaway car and driver. Rusted out vehicles were strewn around in various stages of being chop-shopped while rats, snakes and assorted lowlifes struggled for supremacy in the detritus of shattered glass, twisted metal, flat tires, weeds, and broken dreams. Is this our ride we wondered as a too sweet Mercedes Benz SUV made its way down the driveway to the back of the hideout. It parked and the door opened. A sunglass wearing, perfect haired, toothpick chewing, styling and profiling dude hopped out. You the big boss? Nope. You the driver? Nope. Chop shop guy. Need a VIN changed? Body lengthened? Sound system? Custom sauna with bar? Mirrored ceiling? Pink champagne on ice?

This is a bad idea.
Shortly after sunrise

YHC watched the sky lighten and internally fumed as every minute wasted imperiled my well-crafted plan. “Who put this gang together? The Joker? Riddler? Catwoman?” I knew that I should have declined this job. Unfortunately, I got mouths to feed and bills to pay.
Eventually our driver with the getaway vehicle shows up late. At least he picked an ubiquitous black Amazon van to keep us incognito. We tossed our crap in the back, put our asses in the seats and got going down the road.
YHC begins sizing up the gang with all the others doing the exact same thing. “Look at this goofball”. “Yikes.” “What rock did this guy climb out from under?” “That guy is older than Methuselah.”
We realize we got to make the best team possible from this collection from the isle of misfit toys: A number crunching grumpy old geezer; computer geek toting punchcards and a broken Commodore 64; washed up race car driver with a shade tree mechanic side hustle; crooked judge; Duke Nukem who makes Homer frigging Simpson look like Einstein; Vietnam flashback Colonel Mustard; and that chop shop dude. With the exception of the rookie driver all of us had experienced these mishmash ups before.

Need a second opinion on that?
Somewhereville Souf Cackalacky

Only contact information we had to go on from the big boss was: cross the stateline, drive to this address, look for character from a Star Wars movie for a valuable bracelet he would pass to Gavel. Oh, wonderful. A Star Wars character? There’s only like a whole universe to pick from. Droids? Jawas? Ewoks? Snoke? Wookies? Stormtroopers? JarJar Binks? When the rest of the van found that out you would’ve thought they were going to comic-con. Luckily we had a resident expert Star Wars nerd in the bunch. Only thing he was good for this trip. They had fantasies of Princess Leia chained to Jabba the Hut. I knew better. If it sounds too good to be true…

The ghosts of P200s past?
Dang near lunchtime

We arrived at the double secret probation exchange zone for the drop. It was at a church with graveyard. To secure the area YHC sent Gavel up on the road as a lookout.
Is the big Nantan in the sky trying to tell me something? The ghost of Allen Tate looking for his exchange zone? YHC recognized other shady characters Boudin, DDC, Vuvuzela that he had previously done dirty deeds with, to or for. Memories quickly flooded in, some good, some bad, Nomads, CSAUPs, Bourbon Chases, P200s, McA-Ville to C-ville, Hickory, somehow we had survived to meet here. YHC rubbed his hands together and evilly laughed, nobody’ll ever think to look for the bracelet here!

All rise for hizzoner Judge Boner
Early afternoon

The plan was to turn this into a relay. We could then make good use of the van as a decoy. Everyone ran and ran and ran until they had to stop and transferred the bracelet to the next runner. Like a gift that keeps on giving. Just like the Pony Express. Minus the horses. Maybe the local tribes decide to not look for scalps today.
My thoughts were interrupted when Gavel alerts us from his lookout position, he sighted a Sarlacc making its way over to his position. WTH is a Sarlacc?
Gavel accepted the valuable bracelet from the Sarlacc and started hoofing it down the road grasping the valuable bracelet for dear life.

It was hot. It was sunny. It was overcast. It was awful. It was uphill. It was downhill. It was glorious.

First legs Gavel 8.57, Slaw 5.58, Oompa Loompa 9.03, Pockets 3.21, Def Leppard 3.96, and Freight 7.89 miles.

Mistake by the Lake
Act 2
Scene 3
Late afternoon

Prior to getting to the exchange zone, we got word the big boss was there waiting to greet us. We arrived to see The Penguin listening to a tale of how Bedpan beat a dog off with a stick. Is that a double entendre? To each his own I guess.

Later we found out that Roundup, Wichita, Bedpan, and Gear Wrench went “swimming with the gators” in the lake.
Dang, that Penguin dude don’t mess around.
When a park ranger showed up looking for the bodies, it was time for us to mosey on down the road.

Sensing our displeasure from his being quite tardy to Pocket’s Garage, our driver combined the absolute worst mix of bad women drivers, Death Race 2000 and The Fast and Furious to make the time lost. Squinting through the space between the steering wheel and the dash, he stomped the gas, and with brakes untouched we made our way to destination miles away in record time. Passengers, luggage, curbs, rumple strips, and roadkill had a very bad day. Who knew road signs were merely suggestions?

Interlude
The previous segment of our production was brought to you by Lone Star Barbecue.
The grub was well received.
Sounds and rotten smells weren’t.

And now back to you, Sandy Vee.

Seymour Johnson
Sundown
Rural convenience store in the middle of SC.

Pulled up to the diesel pump and overheard the following conversation:
At Pump #1
“That thing is too big for this hole.”
At Pump #2
“Turn around the other way.”

Epilogue

The 24 hours of our adventure turned into an endless sea of gloom, despair, and agony on me. YHC staggered from van to van in search of the yellow elixir to reduce his case of menstrual cramps.

Somehow, someway, through hook or crook we made it to the end to consign the valuable bracelet to its final resting place.

In exchange for risking friendship, sleep, sanity, life, limb, and the pursuit of happiness, all we got was a tee shirt, medal, beers or sweet tea and two tacos. The lucky ones found grilled bratwurst and mustard.

At dinner we got a lengthy sermon on “Repent from your sin of carbohydrate lust” as given by the Most High Acolyte, Keeper of the Flame, Red Meat Eating, Proselytizing Prophet between dip spits of Devil’s leaf.

Second legs Gavel 3.77, Slaw 9.73, Oompa Loompa 5.63, Pockets 3.67, Def Leppard 3.86, and Freight 7.72 miles.
Final totals Gavel 15.23, Slaw 20.94, Oompa Loompa 16.62, Pockets 10.85 (ran extra credit 1.96 with Oompa), Def Leppard 15.44 and Freight 21.29 miles.

As always, YHC had a great time with his F3 brothers. Slaw for keeping this old jarhead on his toes at each exchange zone; Freight for his encouraging word; Def Leppard for being the grownup in the group; Gavel for his youthful zeal; Pockets for directions; and finally to Ozark who had the worse job of all us, driving a bunch of preteen acting adults on the back roads of south Carolina.

What happens in the van, stays in the van. Anybody got any mustard?

Quick warm up of side stradle hope and off to a mosey around the track. Where we met a circle of weights laid out in front of us. Some 25′ and some 10′ . The 25’s were being passed while we did various exercises like american hammers, crunchy frogs with the smaller ones, leg flutters, squats, behind the back with weight etc. We did at least 3 rounds solid core work out , then moved to the tic, tac, toe boards. This we did 3 rounds of competition against each other with bear crawl to the board and crab steer back. Once we got to the board you had to do hand release merkins started with 5 and escalate 5 each time you played.  Switch partners next round lunge there do burpees, you get the picture… 3 rounds of the games with different routines. Then it was time to mossy back with that indian thing where you chase each other with the weights we had in the circle. Anyway solid work out proud to be a part of F3.

Termite out!