One of the hottest days of the year and 5 brave souls joined me in the Easy Bake Oven known as Midoriyama. I sent out a pre-blast trying to entice some HIMS that enjoy a cold beverage or two. Some luke-warm interest and then a bunch of excuses like “I’ve gotta work,” or “Vacation Bible School,” or “my M’s busy and I have to watch the kids,” or my va-jay-jay is sore and I need to douche it…blah, blah, blah. I guess the saying is true, if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.” Then Whoopee throws out some noise about COVID on the rise among males under 50. Correct me if I’m wrong, weren’t we working out this time last year without a vaccine in place? I know a few of us got it and dealt with some suffering for a while but we made it through. Staying in peak physical condition is one part of the equation to challenge this flu. Now before any of you go challenging me, I said fitness is one part – not the only part. Obviously you can get the jab or wear a napkin over your face. There are lots of choices. Sorry – I’ll get off the soap box and tell you what happened today.
10 counts in cadence: Toy Soldier, Imperial Walkers, Side to Side Lunge, MNC’s, Hillbillies, Cotton Pickers
Mosey to the shaded part of Poston Park. YHC was already making the PAX feel better about posting. Apparently on Tuesday Pockets had the troops working out in 90 heat on 150 degree asphalt. We fellowship jogged to the lower parking lot and down the path to the volleyball court near the dock. I don’t think we’ve ever used the volleyball sandpit – now is the time. 11’s: 10 Merkins, mosey through the sand to the other side for 1 Squat. And why not make it dirty? I watched women’s beach volleyball the other night so as you come to the net, 5 vertical jumps. Call them spikes or blocks, whatever you want. Blart at 7-0 tall had an advantage of the low net – I suggested he still needed to jump. Leppard and Broke began reliving the glory days of North Gaston varsity basketball where more fouls than points is a badge of honor. The sand works your quads more than you realize, even at that short of a distance. We finished and Broke provided a 10 count.
We migrated up the hill to the picnic shelter – fully shaded and waiting was a cooler with a mixture of beverages. Since most of the PAX were full of excuses, I’ll share what the Beer Workout is. Similar to ‘deck of death’ but with beers. A mixture of adult beverages were in the cooler. Each PAX took a turn to select a beverage and then came a decision – do I drink it or not? If the PAX drinks the beer, the other 5 take a short lap in the parking lot. The challenge was for the drinker to finish said beverage before the PAX returned or else the drinker also has to perform the exercises. Two men took the challenge – stay tuned. Now, if the PAX declined to drink, well everyone then had to exercise. Each can/bottle had 2 exercises on a label. Perform the first until form breaks or your tired of it. Move to the next exercise either until time expires or you want to flip to the first one again. After each round, run a lap. The time began with 1:39 on the clock – why that time you wonder? Well go back to your grade school field trip when the kids on the bus began singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall…So each round dropped by one second following the song lyrics. You still with me? Lot of explaining here…but the mumble chatter and egging on was fantastic. Here is my best recollection of how it went down.
- Blart selected a Bud Light – pretty basic. Despite goading, he chose exercise which was Bobby Hurleys and Decline Peter Parkers for 1:39 – we ran a lap.
- Broke grabbed a pint can of Miller Light – our Nantan was thirsty – he popped the cap immediately and the rest of us took off to see if we could beat him. Defib and Blart were close but Broke is a professional beer drinker and was easily finished. We would have done merkins and mtn climbers had he not been parched.
- CPAP loves craft beers – I had none to offer so he selected a Natty Ice tall boy. No consideration to drinking that so we had 1:38 of Big Boys and Flutter Kicks. Broke’s stomach hadn’t settled his beer and he thought about puking but the PAX said any merlot splashing meant he had to repeat as Nantan in 2022. Broke held on for dear life. We took a lap.
- I was curious of Defib’s palette – what would a cardiologist choose? Why none other than a tall boy IceHouse. I think he thought the can was cool. He declined to drink it so that meant 1:37 of Burpees and Mike Tysons – pure hell right there. Broke contemplated being Nantan in 2022.
- Def Leppard strolls up to the cooler claiming he ain’t had 2 beers in a year in he can’t recall how long – maybe because he blacked out? I know there have to be some good Leppard stories of cruis’in Franklin back in the day and pegging stop signs with empty bottles. So Leppard sniffs through the cooler and picks up the one beverage I planted in case Sister Act posted – yep some of you guessed it: a lime White Claw. So DL reads the label closely, not for the exercise but for the calorie count. Apparently he’s watching his figure. The PAX are really encouraging DL to pop the top. Blart crouches down into a starter’s block and with the pop of the top, Blart becomes Usain Bolt. I’ve never seen him accelerate that quickly. Leppard nearly tosses his cookies on the first gulp but realizes Blart is blazing a trail never before seen, then decides to cheat and cuts the median to find Leppard catching the final drop of the can. We missed Monkey Humpers and Overhead Claps on that round. Leppard wonders aloud how Sister Act enjoys the Claw so much, but says it wasn’t too bad and may even stop at the store on the way home to pick up some more.
- Huck would appreciate my selection of the only IPA in the cooler: Elysian Space Dust 9% alcohol. I was not about to crack that thing so we did the exercise for 1:36 of High Planks and if you got tired, CDDs. With time left under 5 minutes we cancelled the lap and hustled back to base.
For the PAX’s efforts they were rewarded with choices of water of beer. Leppard said he’d reached his limit so opted for water. Announcements: August 7 tubbing – Tate is schedule to write a pre-blast. This is the final week of the service items (brush, comb, gum, mints) – turn into Freight. Prayer list – Turtleman, Big Pappy, Freight 2.0, SA 2.0. I took us out.
This workout is as much 2nd F as it is 1st F. Tougher challenge once you pound a beer during the workout and have to run or jump around. The mumble chatter is pretty strong too. I have the Q at Old School Saturday morning at 0700. I’ll replace the 2 beers drunk and bring the cooler out for anyone curious. I had several more rounds to go. Plus I have another surprise in my trunk to unveil. #showtoknow. Hopefully Leppard made it home okay, he was a bit wobbly but that could have been the heat.
Thanks for letting me lead,