215 Days Since I Was SOL

I was the Q at this afternoon’s workout at the nation’s #1 afternoon workout below the television tower at the top of Spencer Mountain. The title says it all, reflecting back to May 7th 2020 a day that lives in infamy, at least in my history book. What’s so interesting about that day you ask? Well for one, it was a historic Q by none other than Phat Ricky, aka Freight. He designed a workout in honor of his stone, titled the Def Leppard WOD. But you want find any of the workout chronicled as a backblast because it was during the earlier days of COVID, when Governor DipShit thought the famed virus would severely attack anyone working out in a group of 5 or more, outdoors in the extreme heat. Thankfully after securing a second term, the Gov has been studying the science and he’s digressed to just making folks wear a mask to limit their breathing during workouts. Back to the point – 215 days ago Freight caused me to tear my meniscus. I didn’t know it was torn until Sunday, but I’m blaming it on him. Though I did the official opening working at the GasHouse on May 9th. However, Freight created a challenging workout that most men dare attempt, let alone complete. I bet SA tore his that day too! So 215 days, $10k, a bunch of ice packs, not many posts, a lot of complaining and little sympathy, here I am to declare good health, at least for today. Freight says he offered a disclaimer that day but really he was going against the governors orders so he’s lucky not to get some jail time in addition to the bill I instructed my health care provider to charge him. Speaking of disclaimers, mine was pretty brief today – you’re an idiot for being here and that was primarily intended for Quiche’s son Jacob Dyksterhouse (much easier to call him Quiche than spell that!) took his dad’s advice and came for the Daily Red Pill. The men that gathered were chatting it up pretty good and looked disinterested when I asked them to circle up. After the disclaimer, I said “this would be a different warm-up than normal.” Of course I got some weird looks – after all it’s Midoriyama and English is not a primary language and math may as well be in Chinese.

Warm-Up – the following exercises are NOT in cadence but 30 seconds per exercise.

• Lunge left, twist right
• Lunge right, twist left
  • Not sure anyone really did these, mostly it was me doing and the PAX wondering if we had started or not
• Get in Plank – alternate toe touch (officially Jingle Balls in F3 Lexicon)
• Stay in Plank – bring your right foot beside right hand, bring left foot beside left hand; go back to plank – this was terrible for Broke’s hernia
• Freight complained about being cold and not moving – In & Outs – he said he preferred running
• Back on your feet – Twist Jacks (I could attempt to explain, but you’re not likely to get it – neither did the PAX)
• High Knees – finally something the PAX knew – Freight judged the Q’s knees were not 90 degrees (see intro paragraph and aforementioned knee damage he caused – be wary of the words you sew…)
• Butt Kickers
• Burpees – they were real happy now. Blart confessed he was officially warmed up

If the PAX bodies weren’t lukewarm, most of their mouths were as the mumble chatter was popping. Time to mosey to the parking lot northwest near the soccer fields.

Thang:

Red Reaper – 15 merkins, 30 shoulder taps (single count), 15 merkins; run a lap around the island – 3 total circuits. Move to the benches at Field #1. 15 dips, 30 decline Peter Parker, 15 dips; run across the field and back – 3 total circuits. Blart then wondered if we would do any shoulder work? Broke said his arms were properly inflated. I was hoping Sister Act would attend but he’s in quarantine preparing for his surgery on Friday likely caused by Freight. But he loves a Triple Nickle – so in his memory, I mean honor, we used the hill overlooking the field to go 5 rounds of 5 Freddie Mercury’s at the bottom and 5 LBC’s at the top. I checked my watch and had a time gap so we filled it with 2 laps around all the islands in the parking lot. Thanks to Seuss, Pillager and Purple Haze for catching the 6. The final thing on the menu was extended Mary – back to the tabata timer for 30 seconds of the following:

• 90 degree leg raise – I think Blart or someone else informed me the lexicon referred to it as Homer & Marge – well if it were in cadence, then I’d agree. But I’m not calling cadence – which some took offense to. At this point you can do it or not – PAX choice
• Dollys – we all agreed – an F3 ab exercise
• 2 Reverse Crunches + 2 V-Ups – again, lots of complaints about this being too hard – suggested I should do one or the other but not combining – up to you how you modify – the acronym HTFU applies (Freight – don’t let your 2.0 see that one (or read this backblast)
• Penguin Crunch – familiar – most did it
• Turtle Crunch – legs 90 degrees, lay flat and do a sit-up – more complaints
• Elbow plank – do hip slappers – more complaining why we did in elbow plank instead of against a wall (cause we’re doing Mary and not strength work)
• Elbow plank – alternate hip touch (sway hips side to side, try to touch the ground)
• Elbow plank – knee taps – Q was called out for being in Def Leppard form – thanks for the correction
• Fifer Scissor Left leg, Right arm touch only – some alternated – ok – picked up the other side
• Fifer Scissor Right leg, Left arm (see above)
• Heels to Heaven – Freight said his abs hurt at this point (don’t sue me – I gave a disclaimer)
• Butterfly Crunch – bottom of feet together, legs in two triangles, do a sit-up; Oompa Loompa said age prevented him for doing this one

I had more but we were running low on time and needed to return to the base : Done!

Announcements: Blood Drive, X-mas party; Prayer Request: Sister Act’s surgery, people fighting COVID and illness in our community;

COT: Jacob Dyksterhouse – son of Quiche, college student at Texas Christian University, music major, middle eastern history minor (Quiche – I’m not seeing a broad job field on this one…), kicked field goals, punted, and played tennis in high school, all star intramural in college, was lead in several musicals. We had a lot of info and that stymied us a bit. Plus it was cold, I barely formed my lips to speak the prayer and the pledge was worse. We went with Billy Ray – as in the father of Miley Cyrus – I think because he’s in Texas and sings…it’s done and we’ll wish we thought of something better.

Moleskin: on the initial mosey, Freight shared a story about his 2.0 looking at his phone and seeing some acronyms asked her dad what some meant. I can’t remember the couple said, but the punchline was “Daddy, what does ‘SOL’ mean?” All dad’s have been caught off-guard at one time or another so he quickly replied the “O” is actually two words: “out & of” (but as we abbreviate in Gaston County “outta”) and “L” is luck, and the “S” is a bad word you can’t say. “Shit out of Luck,” can be applied to a lot of stuff these days. I threw some shade at Freight, but it pales in comparison to the mumble chatter he gave during the workout. He’s a tough dude and can take it. We as a society often blame others for things that happen. It gives us an excuse. I’ve used my knee being sore for over 200 days to get out of the stuff I don’t want to do. I was talking with Flintstone Sunday after Q-Source, after he ran 5 miles and I rolled out of bed for the indoor portion of the event. He asked why I wasn’t posting in the mornings. He caught me. I’ve built the easy excuse to fartsack during the week. Where was I Monday morning? The Sandlot at 0530. F3 calls us to be leaders and as leaders, we should try to our best to make our own luck. Sure sometimes we’ll be SOL but that’s life, we’ll eventually recover. It could take a 215 days but eventually we get there.

SYITG