Sexy Suess, Fat JJ, Lightning McQuiche, and Flaming Hot Sargento’s Excellent Adventure

There was initially concern that the second running of the FRC D-2-D relay was going to get off to a rocky start. For the second year in a row, a charter member of the FRC pulled out of the relay. Why this year? His children had a reg season rec league b-ball games. Thankfully, JJ, who’s children were BOTH playing in a Championship Rec League Game on the same day, decided to tag along. It’s good to see at least some people still honor commitments and have proper priorities!

Sargento provided the ride, Captains chairs in the back seat!!! There was some trepidation among the group as Seuss took the front passenger seat and claimed the title of “navigator.” JJ provided the obligatory 24 bottles of water for 4 people (each of us also brought our own fluid resuscitation) and we were off!!!

We arrived with time to spare for leg 1 and mumble chatter ensued, with no less than 3 other teams asking us “where’s Tesla?” Not one asked about what FRC stood for, a point that we will need to provide education on for next years race. Suddenly, the “gun” went off and Seuss was off with other runners, who were all told to NOT RUN IN THE ROAD. About this time, Quiche popped open his “coke” (it was actually a Pepsi because they were cheaper) and prepared to run.

Summary of legs 1-4- We ran well. Order was Seuss, JJ, Quickie, Sargento. Seuss finished his run only to complain that a driver told him to NOT RUN IN THE ROAD while he was running in the road!!! Found Breaker-Breaker at the first exchange zone, who had already put a moratorium on “F-bombs” and crude jokes from Tesla, apparently. High point of these legs was Seuss sweating so much that he had to put a towel on the seat! Handoffs were clean and we moved quickly; Sargento had a South Point talent pageant that Queso was a part of that he had to get back to by 600. It was noted that after his first leg, Sargento drank a muscle mild, some vitamin supplement drink, ate a sandwich, and had some yogurt.

Summary of legs 5-8- We slowed a little. Same order. Seuss’ knee started hurting (and gosh darn did he complain about it). High point (or low) occurred at transition zone 7-8. Before Quise started, he told Sargento “based on my pace on the last leg, I am expecting to finish in 42-43 minutes,” hoping to shave even seconds off of their time with great transitions. Qiusc arrived at the exchange zone at 43:10 (late) with Sargento only to be seen streaking from the vehicle shedding some big red parka WHILE STUFFING HIS FACE WITH GUMMY BEARS!!! Needless to say, Seuss and Keshe were not amused, as precious time was lost.

Summary of legs 9-12- We survived. Same order. With an average age of somewhere in the mid 50s (thanks, Seuss), we realized stamina was waning. Keesh drank another “coke.” Sargento ate more gummies, a bag of chips, another yogurt, and I think a banana after his second run, trying to set a record for the most weight gain during a relay. Seuss didn’t know where we were, and it was okay. At this point, JJ didn’t really care about the race, as the first championship game was done and his son’s team WON!! A replay of the leg 7-8 handoff occurred at zone 11-12, with Sargento trying to find a satellite signal in the middle of nowhere SC, forgetting his bib, and then trying to EH each of the other people who were standing there (they were all already in F3). Finally, we crossed the finish line killing 64 people together as a team, finishing 10th overall and 3rd in the Master’s division!!

POST RACE: While waiting for Sargento, 6 very fit members of the DAM-sels team approached us to take their picture. Except it wasn’t “us.” It was Seuss. Seuss fumbled briefly with the camera they handed him and tried to take a picture, only for us to hear one say “move closer for a better picture” while JJ and I stood wide eyed and dumfounded. There was absolutely no doubt this group of women seemed to be attracted to the Old Geezer!!! And then what happened next? You will have to ask Seuss 😊

A few minutes later, Bubba Sparxx took his shirt off in the parking lot creating a moment for all of us exactly opposite of what had occurred to Seuss.

The trip home was filled Sargento eating more food, discussions about mispronouncing Westminster (no “I” between the ”n” and the “s”) and Pakistan (the “a” is like “yawn”), learning about “fat Seuss” and Fat JJ (HE HAS PICS!!!), and Sargento complaining about not having beer at the end of the race and then driving past a brewery to get to Queso’s beauty pageant on time, another example of misplaced priorities.

All in all, an unbelievable time with 3 amazing HIMs. Already starting to prepare for next year!