Merlot

I’ve been EHing a guy thru his mom (Lorri), a nurse who works in our office for a LONG time. The last time I saw this kid was 12-13 years ago. I was at a pool party for our office within a year or 2 of moving here (sometime around 2007) and there were two 13-14 year old kids in the front yard playing wiffle ball. I have kept up with Matt over the years-his mother is someone I really respect and she would share with me how he was doing at Clemson then his time in the army and most recently when he proposed to his girlfriend. My advice to her was to tell him to give her the ring ASAP if she was the one. No more waiting around. Lorri, his mother, made it clear she thought this was THE GIRL and all I could think about was me in that situation sitting around waiting for the right time and letting her slip away. Jump ahead a few months and they are engaged and he is planning to move back to G-town. He was in town and wanted to post so Nutria was gracious enough to let me hijack the Q. I had 1 goal: make him Merlot. I figured I could PROBABLY do it. He’s only 25 years younger. He’s only been in the army doing crazy stuff for 8 years. He’s only 6’3″ and less body fat than I ever was. What could go wrong…….?

We started with a brief disclaimer and intro of Matt to the group, hit the pledge, and mumble chatter ensued quickly during the WU. We did some SSH, squats, and merkins then moseyed to the Planet Fitness parking lot for some starfish/4 corners thing. Each corner was exercise X 10 reps and every time we crossed the center we did 3 burpees. The exercises were SSH, BigBoys, Jump Squats, and Merkins. Next we moseyed to the wall for some of my love language, as JJ put it. Hip Slappers were on the menu. We discussed the 5 core principles as we moseyed across the parking lot after each set of HS. We did 5 then moseyed, did 10 then moseyed, did 15 (Merlot was rumbling at this point) then moseyed, did 20 then moseyed……….Son of a Nutcracker, I am about to die…….did 25 HS all in cadence. During the mosey we talked about each core principle. JJ corrected us with the “men only” which really is “open to all men” principle-good clarification…..that is why we still have Mayor with us, right? Move on after I swallow some Merlot to keep it down. Mosey to the wall at Food Dog for some Donkey Kicks-extra points for Stinky Bird for the donkey noises. Think we did either 2 or 3 sets of 10 then moseyed to Gastone’s Hill. Somewhere along the way we also talked about the mission (to plant, grow, and serve….) as well as the Credo (leave no man behind, but …). Thanks again guys for being thorough.

Quick question: At what level of Kotter-ness do we need to re-name this hill? Anyone checking on Gastone? Anyone? Anyone? If you are reading this, how about sending him a text (704) 995-2497 and see how he is doing? I know he would appreciate that.

We started at the bottom and ran up doing 2 Merkins at each mailbox on the way up. Defib and FNG led the way, and I made sure no one got left behind…..if I was not the 6, I was pretty darn close. Props to Defib for pushing FNG-he apparently got his money’s worth finally at this point thanks to Defib. We nurred down the hill then headed home with 10 Merkins and 10 Monkey humpers at each light. I thought we would get back too soon so I added 10 big boys for the last 8 or so lights….not a wise move on my part but WTH? We got back in time for COT and namorama. FNG Matt was a groundskeeper at the golf course in high school so we named him Spackler from Caddyshack. I kicked my own butt with hip slappers. I think everyone got a good workout but unfortunately no Merlot…..

I checked with Spackler’s mother later in the day. She said he had a great time and was so tired he could only go to 1 CrossFit workout later that day…..so much for me pushing him so hard he would Merlot.

thanks for the opportunity to lead-Whoopee