Ville2Ville The Porn Edition-Take 5

6 men posted just before 3 am on Saturday morning at the North Gaston Cabinet Shop. We had a wheels up target of 3 am and a race start time of 5am. We had 2 first timers and 2 on their 5th time. Shout out to Broke for being a like minded gorge runner. Everyone seemed to be fairly alert on the ride up and ready for some action. The first wave starting group was at a record number. The first time we did this race there was only about 70 teams. They used to cap it and it would sell out in a matter of hours. Now there was 50+ starting at the same time and 200+ teams. Broke lead off for team Beer2Beer and lead some 40 other runners in the wrong direction heading up the Blue Ridge Parkway. He didn’t go to far off course before getting it back under way. Meanwhile as we left the starting line we spotted a moose that cast a shadow even in the dark! Who knew they had those in Ashville? Someone mentioned seeing one this time of the year meant there would be 6 more weeks of winter.

While we waited at the first exchange zone we spotted the best looking eye Dr. in North Carolina. He was a 4 time teammate until he abandoned us for some Belmont folk. You know how they are. I’m pretty sure his whole team was wearing whale shirts. Just after he walked off a walleye came by and poked me in my left eye. I was able to overcome and run my route. It was pretty amazing. When I got underway I noted, via my headlight beam, how much tree sperm there was flying through the air. It was like being in a tree porn and I was in some kind of gang bang record. Slaw and Broke seemed to really be taking it in as they hacked and sneezed all day. Tree sperm and porn was discussed throughout the day.  Part of the way through my run a flounder came by and poked me in my right eye. It was getting hard to see at this point.

We made our way along everyone knocking out there runs in battflipper style. The wind was blowing pretty hard at times so Slaw had to batten down the hatches(aka cover his ears) so the sails(ears) didn’t catch wind and lift him off. You may not realize it but Slaw has some superior core strength. It takes a lot to keep those ears from pulling him away from Earth’s gravity when the wind picks up. As we approached him on his first run he was the lead guy in a group of about 4 right behind a woman. I felt like she needed to know so as we passed by I yelled “watch out there’s a pervert behind you”! Man that made me laugh again when I typed it. We teased Slaw for running and pitching woo while he did it. We even saw a van with “you can’t stop the woo” painted on the window.

Doing dirty dangerous things with your brothers really does create a bond between you. I reveled to the guys I’m a descendant of the PPP tribe(pigmy penis people). They are mostly found in the Northern Atlantic and Southern Pacific.  We all found out that our favorite desert may be pineapple upside down cake. It’s mmm mmm good! To bad we didn’t eat any during the race.

You also have the chance to see some crazy things while on the road. We saw some copperhead goats while driving down Tallywacker road! You just don’t get that opportunity everyday.

As we plunged into South Carolina the temperatures started to rise as they usually do. While Sparky was out melting to the Asphalt we got to hit the brewery in Travelers Rest, were the exchange zone is, for a beer for the first time in 5 tries. Usually the line is way too long. We barely had time to drink because Slaw rolled out of there on his was to a 7:20 pace down the greenway. Ridiculous!

We started the race with some EC and Leppard figured we’d end it with some. As we waited at the finish line he pinged me through his life alert and let me know he was lost. Gumby and I took off after him but with a little direction he eventually found his way back on course.

We as in this team or most of the members are retiring from this race. 5 times was plenty. We are moving on to something new. It’s been a great time and a great race. I hate running but I just can’t get enough of spending time with these guys in a van pushing ourselves, laughing,  sharing stories, and creating more. No matter how uncomfortable it gets it can never compete with the good feeling you get from the experience. Even if it is in the middle of a tree porn.

PPP Representative,

Freight