The Beer Workout, Part Deux at least for 2021. Officially this is maybe the 5th rendition of The Beer Workout. And like Bill Gates with Microsoft, I’ll just keep thinking of improvements. For this round, I upped the ante, adding empty kegs for the coupons, reaching a new level. A recent test run on Thursday at Midoriyama where it was past working hours, so a few PAX imbibed the challenge quite literally. A few regular guys were absent so with my first ever Q at Old School, let’s go for another round (in Def Leppard’s case, literally). Luckily I have a friend at Standard Distributors and placed the request for empty kegs. He shared anecdotally he gets hit up for free beer multiple times a day. Evidently most folks feel the word ‘distributor’ in their company name means to give it away freely. So my request for empty kegs was a welcome reprieve and he offered as many as I’d like. Next time, I’ll ask for a box truck packed full of them – PAX beware. While chatting Friday morning, I tried another EH on him but he stated he belongs to a non-exercise group called “F-that!” Touche, my friend, and thank you kindly for the coupons. Another trip to the store to replenish supplies and I was prepared for the Old School Q.
The final day of July didn’t offer much reprieve of the humidity despite my car reading 72 degrees. Old School is only a few months old but has a steady following. When I arrived at 0655, there were 7 other men waiting, many had completed extra credit. I really needed groups of 3 to make the Weinke work. The three empty kegs had begun to generate the chatter, increasing the challenge to get the warm-up circle started. I offered a brief disclaimer – “this workout will be different and you should modify as needed – the exercis’in and the drink’in. Then as fate would have it, Def Leppard comes rolling in to give us 9 for The Beer Workout. To quote a rednecks last words: “hey y’all, watch ‘chis!”
Warm-up:
IC x 10: Toy Soldier, Imperial Walker, Side to Side Lunge, Merkins, Hillbillies, and Cotton Pickers
Pledge:
Grab the kegs and head over to the track. To save myself 5 minutes of confusion, I counted the guys into groups of 3 and nudged them to form a line behind their keg. Now – more instructions. Each man would take a turn with the coupon doing roughly 10 reps of the called exercise. The other two PAX without the coupon would perform 10 reps of two different exercises continuously, only breaking until it was their turn with the coupon or the team had finished the set. With me so far? Let’s go:
- P1: Bear hug the keg and travel across the field and back; P2 & P3: 10 flutters & 10 CDD’s
- P1: 10 Avalanche (Overhead Pull) the keg then 10 bench press; P2 & P3: 10 leg lifts & 10 merkins
- P1: 10 Supine Hamstring Curls & 10 Derkins; P2 & P3: 10 Diamonds &10 Squats
- P1: 10 Plank rollouts & 10 Incline merkins; P2 & P3: 10 SSH & 10 Imperial Walkers
- P1: 10 Squat + Press & 10 curls; P2 & P3: 10 Burpees & 10 Mtn. Climbers
The group at Old School contains some of the heaviest mumble chatterers among our region (and that’s with Tool Time relocated). So explaining and attempting to do the workout with the keg only intensified the commentary. Round 1, unsurprisingly Seuss runs with a keg that weighs half as much as he does – the man is a beast. Round 2 – I’ve done Avalanches with a block – but a 35 lb keg at it’s size was a bit awkward – we did the best we could. Round 3 – for all you runners out there, the Supine Hamstring Curl is the same as what many of the ladies do with a physio ball. It is more manly to boast “I did them with a keg” so we have that going for us. The movement can greatly strengthen your hamstrings and glutes (hey Sargento – you might want to try this…). Now after the demonstration was properly executed by YHC, Slaw goes into reverse air humps much to his own delight. It’s a mental image the rest of us will work tirelessly the next few days and weeks to remove from our minds. That only spurred on additional COT-esq confessions among the group for the lack of production in certain aspects of our respective Concentrica’s. Unfortunately none of those issues were resolved, only commiserated (we should grab a beer and discuss sometime). Round 4 – the ground dew and forearm sweat increased the challenge of plank roll-outs. Hey – they looked great on YouTube – an area of opportunity. And finally Round 5 – proper form for holding the keg overhead and pressing was yet another challenge. Still, the kegs were a fantastic coupon – one that generated as much 2nd F as 1st F.
Moving on to the substantive portion of the day’s event. I’ll repeat the directions in case we have any newcomers listening in. The cooler contains 11 different beers – each having a label with 2 different exercises on them. As the old field trip song goes: “99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer; take one down, pass it around 99 bottles of beer on the wall…” So put 1:39 seconds on the clock and we’ll decrease by one second each round. Similar to the deck of death workout, each PAX opens the cooler and selects a beer of choice and then they have a decision: opt for the exercises in the allotted time or drink it. If exercise is chosen, the PAX will perform AMRAP of the first exercise until form breaks or they grow tired of it, then begin AMRAPs of the second exercise, going back and forth until the time is called but moving the whole time. Now, the other option, and this is what makes this workout one to remember, the holder of the beer can choose to drink the beer and while drinking, the remaining PAX will run the length of the parking lot. If the drinker doesn’t finish the contents by the time the PAX get back, the exercises are performed. The odds of Splashing Merlot are greatly increased.
With the instructions explained, now we’re into performance. Here are the highlights:
- Stogie selects Old Tuffy (the NC State Wolfpack beer) – it’s a heavier lager and he wastes no time opening the can and the PAX take off. Beverage is easily drained. Stogie missed Thursday and I believe had every intention of making this move.
- Def Leppard – fresh off his first beer of the year at Midoriyama trots up to the cooler amid catcalls like an slut delivering lunch at a construction site. Leppard hesitates briefly and selects his new favorite beverage – the Lime White Claw. He cracks the top and the PAX are sprinting to invoke the penalty on Leppard but he has no trouble finishing. This marks the second drinking event for Leppard in a few days, we may need an intervention – anyone want to sponsor DL for AA?
- Slaw grabs a Corona – Q fail forgetting the bottle opener, but this is Dallas and when it comes to drinking, they’re creative, smashing the cap off the brick and Slaw drinks like he air humps – fast and furious.
- Freight – by now he knows the drill and pulls the Fat Tire. As the Q I briefly think, surely he’s not going to pound this, so we’d finally do an exercise (would have been diamond merkins and American Hammers). Freight proves me wrong and rips off the lid and begins chugging – we run again, shortening the distance attempting to invoke the penalty. Freight boasts this isn’t his first rodeo but does admit to the slow digestion of the thick brew.
- Sister Act – I knew he was disappointed Leppard drank his White Claw, so he grabs the 16 oz Miller Lite – he starts gulping and we run again but finally, the extra 4 ounces proved too much and the penalty was in play. YHC changes the rule for all PAX to join SA with the exercise of merkins and mtn. climbers. Part of my reasoning was to extend the time b/c I didn’t have anything else planned.
- Pizza Man – opts for the Bud Light, opens it and enjoys it. We run and find upon return he was parched and enjoyed the refreshment. We did Bobby Hurleys and Decline Peter Parkers for 1:38. Pizza Man continues sipping periodically the remainder of the workout.
- My turn – I pick up the double deuce Natty Ice – I had no intention of drinking that – those days are long passed. We exercised with Big Boys and Flutter Kicks for 1:37.
- Dr. Seuss – now had I provided a choice of Starbucks or other coffee, Seuss would have been all in on the challenge. Curiously, Seuss picks up the 8 Ball, yes you’re correct, the 40 ounce big daddy Olde English. Last time I was forced to drink that was 1990. No chance Seuss opens it so the timer is 1:36 for 8 count body builders and Ski Abs – as ruthless of a combination as it would to drink that toilet water.
- Blart took a long neck King of Beers and began chugging – we ran, again.
- With all the PAX having made choices, now it was time to finish the cooler. No drinking, just the exercises because again, I had time to fill.
- Ice House tall boy – Burpees and Mike Tysons – as nasty as the drink itself – 1:35 time on those.
- Elysian Space Dust 9% IPA – this was in the cooler in case Huck posted – he didn’t so we did planks and cdds for 1:34
We had about 5 minutes of time – I thought about calling it but Pizza Man jumped in counting in cadence with Big Boys so we finished with a few rounds of PAX choice of ab exercises for time.
Announcements – August 7th Tubing – tell Broke; Freight’s Service Project. Prayers for our PAX with mental battles, Turtleman for fighting through remission with one more treatment; Stogie’s M and friends at a Spartan Race.
Moleskin – If you check your scorecard, that was 11 rounds of choices in which 7 rounds the PAX chose to drink the beer or at least attempt to (recall 2 didn’t finish). Apparently I underestimated the PAX love alcohol more than exercise. I hope this isn’t a problem. Ironically, the Old School AO is at a park across from the Police station. But as several of the PAX grew up in the town of Dallas, NC, they suggested this was not abnormal as there were occasions of the past where the party had continued through the night with the sun rising. Maybe The Beer Workout 6.0 I’ll opt for some nastier beer flavors that may encourage a little more exercising to quell the drinking. But then again, Leppard does seem to enjoy his White Claws. Hmm, maybe bourbon or airplane bottles? We’ll see. Regardless, the goal of the workout was to offer fitness along with fun mumble chatter. Ultimately that objective was achieved. Unfortunately no one splashed merlot (at least not in front of the PAX). With Leppard off the wagon, there is a rumor of a keg party at his place – if you don’t like the claw, you may want to BYOB; stay tuned for more details.
