I wanted to “announce my presence with authority…” quick what movie line is that? Slaw is on the IR but I’m sure he’d know it was none other than Ebby Calvin “Nuke” LaLoosh in Bull Durham. Nearly six weeks ago, I had surgery to repair the torn meniscus in my right knee. Honestly I thought I’d have been back a lot sooner. Clavin had a similar procedure performed by the same doctor and was running by the end of the week. I guess all that superhero gear he wears is for good reason, maybe he’s secretly roaming the Halls of Justice instead of the post office. Or maybe I’m a slow healer, whatever the case, other than some morning stiffness (ahh – don’t go there…) in my knee and some swelling, I’m moving much better in my slow but steady progress. Wojo asked for September Q’s a few weeks back and I submitted my name – part of a goal to get there. To get ready, I continued my solitary diet of youtube videos in my garage. I wasn’t quite sure how much running my knee was going to take, so I kept that light but I did develop a menu for a steady dose of some of my favorite activities employed over my IR period.
Arrive early at Midoriyama to set up the venue and get some stretching done along with conversation with the guys – because that is really why I was there. When Freight shared some candor that he was here for the 5:30 workout, I knew the pleasantries were done and it was time to clock in. The circle formed and I climbed upon the bike, hoping I could recall how to ride it. Oh, lets get the Pledge first; check. Now, oh announcements, no too early. Disclaimer – ‘you vs. you, Gold Digger vs. Gold Digger, Sister Act vs. Sister Act, Seuss vs. Seuss, and the rest of us fall in line…”
- MNCs – IC for 11
- Toy Soldier – IC for 10
- SSH – Sort of a count as Freight was on point early to call out some things not right. We may have completed 10 or so.
The Burpee Bonanza – 1 minute on the clock, 10 burpees; after that minute, 9 burpees but 55 seconds to complete and on down reduce count by 1 burpee and 5 seconds until the final set – 1 minute AMRAP – this pissed off the crowed to my joy and set the tone for the rest of the workout. Mosey to the small soccer fields on the right.
The four corners of the field had signs. Despite the written instructions, this is Midoriyama so further explanation and instructions were required.
- Corners 1 & 3: 15 Merkins, 15 Shoulder Taps (count 1 side or count both and double it), 15 Merkins (count your stomach)
- Corners 2 & 4: 15 Mtn. Climbers (count one knee), 15 Am Hammers (count right side 7 times and left side 8 times), 15 Mtn. Climbers (count the other knee one time)
I learned Gold Digger doesn’t listen to instructions, he is so used to giving them. Point noted. I think after halfway through he recognized the green signs I posted. As of the others, it was organized chaos with Freight sure to question the count each time. We went 2x through.
Everyone on their 6 in front of the bleachers.
- Single leg glute bridge – left x 15 (count right butt cheek)
- Dips x 15 (count each toe on right foot 2x and left foot 1x)
- Single leg glute bridge – right x 15 (count left butt cheek)
- The group on the second set of bleachers failed to hear the 2x through part. Def Leppard’s plantar faciitis must have spurred up and affected his glutes – unique form to say the least but you vs. you, anyway – take a lap around the field
- Forearm merkins x 15 (this was a crowd pleaser – if you want to hear complaining, call these out – it was relentless whining like milk and cookies not being served at Pre-K snack time); start in a elbow plank, contract your triceps and raise to a full arm extended plank and return = 1; count your neck 1 each rep
- Raised plank leg lifts x 15 right, x 15 left – this is where the title came from – sort of…I can’t really explain this one as much as I’d have to show you…I said this to my M once and got smacked…but that is the only way sometimes. Anyway – this exercise works both glute muscles. Broke inquired “is that your butt muscle?” Yes – this is your butt muscle…or as Forest Gump called it “the buttocks.” I’ve learned in my IR time that men don’t develop their glutes as well and that leads to injuries or soreness in lower extremities. So consider adding some glute work to your home routines and get you stronger to handle the chaos of F3.
- Freight’s mumble chatter was rampant at this point, so much that I added an unintended 3rd round of this and then we took a lap.
- Side elbow plank, opposite hand on ear and crunch that elbow to the ground to work obliques x 15 R/L
- Stay in elbow plant, fire hydrant left for 15 then right for 15
- two rounds
Mosey back to base for a bunch of Mary. All exercises were a 10 count – who knows how close anyone came to actually following it. I called it, demo and then went to work.
- Corkscrew + Hand Release Merkin (Vanilla Ice dominated this break dancing move)
- Alternating Leg Drop from 90 degrees + crunch
- Heels to Heaven
- Double “Sandy” V Crunch (2 right, 2 left = 1)
- V-Sit Flutter Kick – they hated this one
- Genie Crunch – not even sure anyone did these
- Turtle Crunch – more complaining
COT: Prayers lifted for Double Stuff’s friend Corey that his condition took a different turn – help the doctors find a treatment and solution; Sister Act’s 2.0 – I took us out, sort of . I haven’t prayed aloud in a while so sort of rambled.
Moleskin: I’m sore today. I knew my knee would be but attacking the glutes brought about additional soreness in that area – I’m sure those attending could feel similar. Anyone having attended Midoriyama knows the mumble chatter is quite chattery to say the least. In my garage, it’s just me and a video and those instructors are always so nice and encouraging (and better looking). Like the algorithms that create the click bait headlines we see daily on social media, Butt Hurt could have multiple meanings. It could have meant my feelings were hurt (“people have feelings?” as Fright may say). Admittedly I forgot about the MC coming at me like Verlander fastballs. In reflecting, the chaos we seek to overcome in our workouts can come from the Pax as much as the Q or the elements. You have to be prepared for that when stepping into the arena and I quickly realized I needed to embrace the opportunity and give it right back. On the ride home I felt good having accomplished my goal to lead the workout. More importantly it was good to feel the love of the brothers around me. But today, my butt hurts, literally. Thanks for the chance to lead.