Earlier this week, my pal Short Sale asked if I would like to co-Q the Schiele on Saturday. Of course I would! Short Sale always has well thought out and clever themed workouts that are different and fun, yet challenging. However when I am your tag team partner, clever and original goes out the window and we revert to primitive themes like professional wrestling. Maybe it was yesterday’s beatdown by Spiderman and his “Conan the Barbarian” themed workout that made me go primal. In any event, I sent out the twitterbait pre-blast picture of a wrestling tag team and we finalized the Weinke. When we arrived at the Schiele, Short Sale had come through with originality. He cut up a neon green t-shirt into strips and we fastened “arm flare” just below our delts and wore neon headbands. It was at 0700 that we made our professional wrestling debut into a circle of awaiting PAX and two FNG’s. (The twitter picture was of “The Midnight Rockers, or just The Rockers” with Shawn Michaels and Marty Janetty. They were big in the glory years of ’85-92 when we were all rocking muscle shirts and mullets. Some of you are still stuck there (you know who you are)).
YHC led with a brief disclaimer about not being professional and everything is a suggestion. I was almost out of gas but was just able to reach over and tag in Short Sale before I collapsed into the turnbuckle. Michael Buffer wasn’t on the PA because there was no PA. Maybe next time.
Warm Up:
- SS: Toy Soldiers IC x 10 Tag In Roscoe
- R: Merkins IC x 10 Tag in Short Sale
- SS: Iron Horse Sgl Ct x 10 (lunge, lunge, squat, jump – it’s a killer) Tag in Roscoe
- R: CDD IC x 10 Tag in Short Sale
- SS: Grass Pickers IC x 10 Tag in Roscoe
- R: Plank Jacks IC x 10 Tag in Short Sale
Short Sale led a very short mosey, diverting to the sculpture instead of the flag on Garrison. Mumble chatter began instantly drawing the curiosity of the PAX to this new area where he explained what was next. Elevens on the steps with Derkins, Dips, and then 20 Box Jumps. It was at this point he mustered just enough energy to reach over and tag in Roscoe who was in their corner holding the little rope that they have to have to make it a legal tag. This tag was legal and so Roscoe took over and we moseyed for the flag for the Pledge.
No one Kaepernicked but there was an exception to the “hats off” portion of the Pledge. Neon wrestling headbands were allowed.
A quick Mosey and some mumblechatter about professional wrestling and “Heartbreak Ridge” by Slaw and Def Leppard and the fact that they were first to the next spot earned them the right to add some neon flair to their bulging arms.
The PAX did a great job of checking the 6 and a quick run around the Gristmill got everyone back together for some DORA 1,2,3 at the bottom of the trail. Partner One starts Merkins and partner two runs up the trail to the tree and does 5 SSH and returns and flip flops for 100 Merkins, 200 LBC’s, and 300 Squats. Again, the shield lock was strong as multiple PAX helped finish off other’s counts. At this point in the match, Roscoe was on his back and nearly pinned but with great drama and suspense, Mastodon distracted the referee and Short Sale was able to step into the ring and no tag was made but he took over as if it had. The PAX protested but by before the referee could regain control, Short Sale had the PAX strolling along the nature trail for another part of the beatdown.
Short Sale regained control of the match at the picnic area on the backside of the trail and quickly led a 2 round series of 10 Bulgarian Squats, Dips, followed by Chilcutt Peter Parkers, and Rainbow Abs. Confusion set in as he was out of the ring and the countdown was on. He knew he needed help. Stroganoff was able to grab him by his tights and push him back into the ring just before being counted out and he was able to tag in a fresh Roscoe who declared a jailbreak pace sprint back to the squared circle of the parking lot.
The newly formed tag team of Slaw and Def Leppard started a quick version of Mary while the water jug coupons were readied for the next part of the match. When the six was collected we counted off and one group would perform with jugs and the other would do situps until it was time to switch. Lots of jug themed inappropriate mumble chatter was expected and the PAX delivered. After all, this was a wrestling match.
Group one had two jugs and did 10 front shoulder raised with Roscoe, 10 side raises, 10 rear delt raises, and 10 shoulder shrugs. He tagged in Short Sale who led the PAX in the same exercises while Roscoe’s team did the situps. Short Sale gave very detailed instructions and seemed to be dragging on the match to wear down his partner who was knocking out a ton of situps. The crowd was wondering if he was doing a heel turn. The suspense was building but we repeated that for another round, this time with jugs and squats. At this point in the match, there was a time limit that was closing fast and something had to be done to finish off the opponent.
Roscoe circled up the PAX for the burp and merk and laddered to 6 and then back down. Quickly tagging in to Short Sale again, who had to begin working off the script (that is the Weinke – don’t call wrestling fake or else we’ll be forced to lay a bigger smack down next time!). Each PAX grabbed a water jug and we performed cross extensions (left hand to right ankle then fully extend for 20 single counts and flapjack for the other side. Next was another ab burner with the PAX in a seated circle, back to back, shoulder to shoulder and we did the American Hammer and passed the water jugs around in a circle to and fro. He forgot to say “start” and most of the bottles ended up at Hushpuppy at one time.
Short Sale crawled to the corner for a finger tip tag and Roscoe leapt over the top rope and the PAX were instructed to grab jugs and hold the Iron Cross position until failure. This was the patented finishing move that was going to win the match. The PAX were straining and suspense was building. The shoulders were burning. Some PAX’s jugs were starting to fall to their sides. It looked as if defeat was imminent and Short Sale and Roscoe would win the match. Unfortunately and to the disappointment of the crowd, the church bells rang and saved the match. The match was declared a draw. The PAX had survived. They were beaten physically but not mentally. They had survived an hour of total non-stop physical action.
Moleskin: Props to Stroganoff for his extra credit work prior to the “match.” We welcomed two FNG’s to our region. Jim Ware at 64 years young was EH’ed by DaVinci (who failed to post: 10 burpees). Coach Ware spent over 30 years in Gaston County Schools as a coach, teacher, and principle. He is training for his second Spartan Race and hoped F3 could aid his training (we aim to please. FNG Ware was awarded arm flare after Dora for his efforts. . Andrew Bernard (not of The Office) relocated from Bakersfield, California, works in Charlotte, lives in Gastonia and plays guitar at a local church (my apologies for a failed memory). Billy Madison pushed hard for “Nard Dog” but his thick chin beard triggered the PAX to name him Honest Abe.
The GasHouse AO is a great spot for our various activities. Roscoe came up with the idea to stay on the property today and it was well worth it. We nearly covered 2 miles in our various jaunts around the Schiele, using the semi-circled outdoor amphitheatre and picnic area for possibly the first time. A lot of mumble chatter, mainly from the Midoriyama boys adds energy to the efforts. Additional “arm flare” was awarded to the PAX for their efforts to push their rock.
We lifted prayers for the Smith family and the Ashbrook students that lost a son and classmate. We asked for blessings upon our PAX to heal those with injuries and strengthen the rest. Oompa Loompa is showing some real gains with his first F. Good work and much RESPECT!
Coffeerama and the third F at Panera was strong with 6 posting and Hush Puppy leading great discussions about Acts and Billy Madison sharing a great story about faith. #HIMS
What a privilege to perform alongside my F3 brothers. Stay tuned for a future return of this dynamic tag team duo, guaranteed to bring you pain and pleasure. We will expect the PAX to bring the custom signs when the house lights go up next time! Whooooooooo!