This is the story of team Virtually Impossible. Like Lance Armstrong said in his 30 for 30 I will tell the truth or well I’ll tell it how I remember it.
This whole thing started with a simple conversation about how there were a lot of Ville’s around here and since none of us got to do our relays this spring we could set something up. Within no time, I mean like that afternoon or the next day, Pizza Man had a route complete. Well I guess this is happening! Before you know it a team was setup with 3 fast guys and 2 to balance out their pace. I’m really surprised by the number of teams that formed after it was made public. We really have a thing for relays don’t we?
The morning started out uneventful. There were no close calls or unsafe moments at all. Much of our time to start was spent hitting local park bathrooms. With Golddigger and Broke leading the way bathroom breaks had to be broken into sections to keep up with them. Pinch and go if you know what I mean. I don’t know if anyone lives down the drive at Springs road or not but I would say it looks like it snowed there because about half of the teams disappeared into the field when we got there. Now this area being my stomping grounds growing up I had a lot of stories for the guys. I’m going to leave those stories out on the relay though.
In hind sight I wish I would have left some snow back out on Springs rd because my entire 1st leg I felt like Slaw on the P200. Running is much less efficient when your squeezing the cheeks. Also my morning coffee had finally made it’s way through my bladder. Eventually I had no choose but to stop, you saw the pics and video courtesy of Buckeye Video LLC. Now I’m sure many are aware that Dr Seuss had it out for me during this race. That is why he chose to run the same legs as me. I’m not sure why. He has some anger management issues and I think sometimes he creates these conflicts in his head. Having done the math I knew he would likely be chasing after me on the first leg. His team mates tried to intimidate me by playing the theme music to Jaws when they rode up to me. They then tried to run me off the road a few times as they could see I was having a good running day and their music was not slowing me down. So eventually I stopped to relieve myself. This allowed Seuss to make up some ground that he would likely have never made up other wise. It was a good thing I stopped! As we ran down the big hill a pack of wild dogs approached. Being who I am I yelled to Seuss who was just behind me to keep running and I would fight them off. Well I guess that was his plan anyway because he started pushing me in the back and said some things I just don’t want to repeat. Either way it worked out because Seuss got away injury free and I was able to fight the dogs off and keep running. Of course
I was much slower having spent so much energy in the fight.
As we drove through Bessemer City I had a story about a relative and what he found in the ditch in front of his house. This story lead to a string of stories with similar themes. Things I hadn’t thought of in a long time and it was hilarious. This is where the D2D comes in to the title. You’ll have to ask I guess. Def Leppard smoked Bessemer city. I think he was afraid but it’s Bessemer so I get it. Pizza Man well he did Pizza Man things and made it into Cherryville in no time. I’m really glad we were able to meet him there because Golddigger just got his permit and we thought a drive through the country would be good practice for him. He nearly killed us! Luckily PM has racing breaks on has Tahoe!
There are only 2 things I remember about the 2nd half of the race. 1) It was hot! There was no shade! The Sun, the asphalt, the grass, everything was hot! I saw a snake try to cross the road and it started smoking! 2) Pizza Man’s last run. We were trailing because Fat Ricky and Cussing Def Leppard let the heat beat them. Oh yeah I forgot to mention the foul language! Up until then I could count the number of times I’ve heard Def say a cuss word on probably 1 hand. That probably tripled on race day. I’m not sure what is going on but If I had to guess it’s the low T due to male menopause. Anyway PM set out in hell like temps and a pretty tough leg with the mind set of making up lost time. At the bottom of Spencer mtn Golddigger decided to join him. These two batflipping fools ran that leg in the 6’s! PM’s watch later showed his heart rate was up to 200. You talk about giving it your all! I mean this was really for nothing. Don’t take that the wrong way. I mean we weren’t going to get any kind of special prize or a prize at all. He/they just pushed themselves because that’s what they do. The majority of us need a little of that!
So that’s how I remember it. Or at least some of it. I’ve got lots of stories that I’d rather tell than write. That’s the best part of a relay, the stories you get to tell later. If you haven’t realized it yet a lot of life is about the story.
As told by Freight