Today’s workout was to be set at an increased tempo with myself the Q asking forgiveness for this before we begin. While the warm up and subsequent workout are important, they pale in comparison with the message I set out to present at the conclusion of this morning seeking to impart a message that’s been on my mind for some time , you see. I had to wait until the passing of my mother for it’s proper release.
Just over five years ago, I lost my father. It was a difficult struggle on many fronts because my father was unwilling to acknowledge anything nor offer help …. I had to plan his current care as well as moms ( both living in Charlotte) maintain my family and work , juggle in preparations for his imminent death, muddle through all his financials, plan for moms move to assisted living, sell their home and possessions and do this with a brother who is the polar opposite of me in many ways. He offered no help unfortunately.
To make matters worse, dad was the easier one to love and at his passing my brothers resentment for her truly came out.
I have always understood the hazards and dangers and evils of an unchecked mental state where one does not seek or attain medical attention as well as addiction( a dangerous cocktail)… our mother suffered from these. The alcohol addiction ended in my early twenties when in a rage I challenged dad to remove the temptation , which amazingly he did. The side affect was that it soured mine and moms relationship until I had to move out.
Through the years, my brother would never move too far from them due to unfortunate life choices, And he was reliant upon their help in raising his girls.
At our fathers passing my brother told me the WORST thing I’ve ever heard someone say ….
He told me that he was not sure if he was an atheist or an agnostic, but he had no faith in God but hoped there was a Hell and that our mother would spend all of eternity there and that he was willing to spend it there with her if that’s what was required!!
I was at a loss.
Over the coming 2 1/2 – 3 years I would try often to make him understand that she is a much different person than when we were children, explaining that IF she asked our forgiveness that would be wonderful but ultimately it’s not for us, we must concern ourselves with her spiritual well-being and her soul …. she needed to ask Gods forgiveness.
Despite all she had said and done, I learned long ago to forgive her and move on. The weight of that baggage was not for me to carry.
One day approximately 2 years ago while on my rounds at work I received a call from my brother.
It was so amazing I had to sit there in silence and weep for joy
You see, even now as I write this, it still affects me ….. he told me … I prayed to God and forgave our mother.
In the past 2-3 years I’ve only uncovered what my brother and I always suspected, our mother was also abused in many difficult ways, so for her, much of what we experienced was learned behavior.
When I got the call from Peak Resources the other week allowing me to come in and help her pass I prayed over her telling her of our forgiveness and asking her to ask Jesus for his …. knowing that she needed that comfort to know that her heavenly reward was at hand . I would also ask her forgiveness of me for not trying to see her more often than I had ,,,, finding it a struggle in today’s Covid world only to view her through a window and I hoped for a swift passing to ease her and our sufferings. She would pass in just over an hour, the staff said that she was restless until I arrived and settled as I left.
I thank God that we had more time with her to heal these deep wounds.
I hope that this message reaches anyone who needs to hear it …. seek me out, reach out if any of this resonates with you. I can and wish to help any that struggle.
Life is too short.
for those who were wondering about the 80 lbcs …. mom had just turned ……
much thanks and heartfelt love to the Oompa Loompa and Time Frame families at this difficult moment of our lives and humble gratitude for all who prayed over and for us
An elderly blind lady on my route has this message on her outer door: Collect moments, not things.
Exodus 20:12 Honor thy mother and thy father,
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
John 23 Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you withhold forgiveness from any, it is withheld.