The MORONS

So this “flash CSAUP” idea was basically wanting to do something that was harder than normal and stupid but without the normal planning and effort.  I had a rucking CSAUP in mind that would take a lot more preparation than I had time for and a busy summer coming up precluded any real effort to get that done.  A few weeks ago I settled on this date and told Whoopee and Stroganoff that I had an idea and it would be called “The MORON” and they were of course humbled that I would think of them.

If I were to define a Flash CSAUP, it is basically like a regular CSAUP except it can’t be announced until less than 48 hours from the actual start so no one can prepare and the planning and organization is done more “on the fly”.

Without knowing how many people would show up, I prepared note cards with routes based on run times so I could group folks together.  This wasn’t necessary since we ended up with seven and decided to stay together.  Here is how it went down…

YHC couldn’t sleep so he got to the AO early.  The parking lot was full of cars and I thought “what have I done” but realized the Scouts were sleeping at the Schiele again.  I think everyone shared that thought as they pulled in.

A little after 0300 Stroganoff pulled in and then WATTS-UP.  Freight, Defib, and finally Whoopee.  I collected ruck sacks from everyone and drove Whoopee to Snoballs near Martha’s House to stage his truck and coupons for later.  I knew HIPAA was a HC and he was late so I gave him a call.  No answer.  Whoopee and I drove to Snoballs and were heading back when HIPAA called and said he was on his way.  I told him to drop his ruck at Whoopee’s truck and to meet us at the Schiele.

I started with a quick safety briefing and disclaimer.  When I announced that the first part of the CSAUP was a six mile run, Defib went to change his shorts.  Freight looked like I kicked sand in his face and took his woman.  They were obviously ready to ruck and didn’t anticipate the “pre-exhaust” run.

At 0340 we stepped off and ran a modified Pub/Coconut Horse route.  It worked out where everyone got to Snoballs with 5-6 miles depending on the route they chose to run.  Big time credit goes to Watts-Up as he announced that it was the furthest he had ever run in his life!

A quick unpacking of rucks and water and a few sandwiches and we were ready to ruck along with Whoppee’s heavy ass GORUCK sandbag “Alberta”.  We launched on time and went about 200 yards when YHC told everyone to get in the parking lot at the old HT for a quick beatdown.  I don’t think the PAX anticipated this but whatever.  We broke down the reps/sets but in total did a minimum of 100 Squats, 100 Merkins, 100 Mountain Climbers, 100 Flutter kicks, and 100 Lunges.  Sometimes we had rucks on and sometimes not but what really made the workout was the bluetooth speaker Whoopee brought along.  It was a gift for ten years of service at his job.  Apparently the speaker only plays George Straight, Eric Clapton and Tom Petty but to the PAX surprise the speaker had a malfunction and played some RUSH!  An even bigger surprise occurred during Flutter’s when the “Thong Song” came on.

After this quick smokefest we walked away towards the Coconut Horse and did the reverse route to the Greenway, handing of “Alberta” a few times between the PAX.  In all honesty, Whoopee, Stroganoff, and Defib carried that wench the majority of the time.  True #HIMS!

It began to get lighter so the headlamps went off.  We took the pedestrian bridge into the neighborhood and Stroganoff had a thought to go see his old home down the street which was a longer way.  No objection to that here.  We found out the house is actually for sale.  Hopefully a nice young family and future leader in the community will get it and achieve some of the Stroganoff mojo on the way to community service domination.

We continued and hit the big hills at Laurel and Nottingham and took the long way back to Parkwood and finally arrived at the Gashouse at 0648.  Just enough time to drink all the water we could find and get ready for the bootcamp and/or Painlab with TimeFrame and HushPuppy on Q respectively.

I must admit, the Moron’s weren’t looking too hot, especially knowing that Time Frame had announced a 5k training plan for his Q.  A quick warmup and pledge and an attempt to EH the Scout Dads coming out of the Schiele and then off to the races.  YHC was pretty much the six the whole time but I had good company along the way as we stopped and did different exercises.  A little more than 5k distance on this Q had the majority of the Moron’s up to 15 miles for the day.  The COT concluded the MORON as the Painlab and Bootcamp groups converged to close it out.

Coffeerama was at Union Road Diner which has established itself as the new breakfast hotspot.  The PAX felt the results of the MORON and were beginning to shiver from cold sweat soaking their clothes.  Lots of coffee and water were consumed at breakfast with very little mumblechatter until Freight ordered “Deuces”.  Something about that gets the immaturity to come out.  Then while waiting for the food Whoopee informs me that YHC’s M is on a group text with Whoopee and Stroganoff’s M’s and they were wondering if the “Morons” were alive.  YHC’s M apparently didn’t know that when I told her I was going in “a little early” for the workout meant leaving the house at 0245 and that it was called “THE MORON” and it was YHC’s idea.  I may or may not have heard about that later.  Good times!

Thanks for the PAX that showed up.  As mentioned, Whoopee, Defib, and Stroganoff led the way thorough most events.  Stroganoff pushed the pace on the run portion and the Ruck portion.  Watts-Up get huge credit for being “all in” and F3 has helped him lose more than a ruck sack of weight and he is a posting machine.  Freight has heard all the stories from the old neighborhood during various rucks and is now basically a Gashouse local.  He is pointing out things and reminiscing about the old times.  HIPAA avoided the fartsack thanks to my courtesy call. He announced this was his first run since the P200 but you wouldn’t have known it.  #Beast  It is true that Iron Sharpens Iron and these PAX pushed themselves.  The quote for the event was “Idleness and luxury are your enemies”.  Get out there and get after it.

I was a little concerned about the CSAUP moniker being used for what we usually just call “extra credit”, but this was a little more than that and the start time was pretty stupid so therefore both the “flash CSAUP” and the title “The Moron” are spot on!

Happy Mother’s Day to all your M’s and moms!

Roscoe