If you were asked to name three areas where you and your spouse disagree, you’d likely be able to do it without thinking very hard. You might even be able to produce a top ten list if given a few more minutes.  And sadly, unless someone at your house starts doing some giving in, these same issues are going to keep popping up between you and your mate.

Unfortunately, stubbornness comes as standard feature on both husband and wife models.  Defending your rights and opinions is a foundational part of your nature and make-up.  It’s detrimental, though, inside a marriage relationship, and it steals away time and productivity.  It can also cause great frustration for both of you.

Granted, being stubborn is not always bad.  Some things are worth standing up for and protecting.  Our priorities, morals, and obedience to God should be guarded with great effort.  But too often we debate over piddling things, like the color of wall paint or the choice of restaurants.

Other times, of course, the stakes are much higher.  One of you would like more children; the other doesn’t.  One of you wants to vacation with your extended family; the other doesn’t.  One of you wants to vacation with your extended family; the other doesn’t. One of you prefers home-schooling your kids; the other doesn’t. One of you thinks it’s time for marriage counseling or to get more involved in a church, while the other doesn’t.

Though these issues may not crop up every day, they keep resurfacing and don’t really go away.  You never seem to get any closer to a resolution or compromise.  The heels just keep digging in.  It’s like driving with parking brake on.

There’s only one way to get beyond stalemates like these, and that’s by finding a word that’s the opposite of stubbornness – a word we first met back while discussing kindness.  That word is “willing.”  It’s an attitude and spirit of cooperation that should permeate our conversations.  It’s like a palm tree by the ocean that endures the greatest winds because it knows how to gracefully bend.  And the one best example of it is Jesus Christ, as described in Philippians 2.  Follow the progression of His selfless love …

As God, He had every right to refuse becoming a man but yielded and did – because He was willing.  He had the right to be served by all mankind but came to serve us instead.  He had the right to live in peace and safety but willingly laid down His life for our sins.  He was even willing to endure the grueling torture of the cross.  He loved, cooperated, and was willing to do His Father’s will instead of His own.

In light of this amazing testimony, the Bible applies to us a one-sentence summary statement: “Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus: (Philippians 2:5) – the attitude of willingness, flexibility, and humble submission.  It means laying down for the good of others what you have the right to claim for yourself.

All it takes for your present arguments to continue is for both of you to stay entrenched and unbending.  But the very moment one of you says, “I’m willing to go your way on this one,” the argument will be over.  And though the follow-through may cost you some pride and discomfort, you have made a loving, lasting investment in your marriage.

“Yes, but then I’ll look foolish.  “I’ll lose the fight.  I’ll lose control.”  You’ve already looked foolish by being bullheaded and refusing to listen.  You’ve already lost the fight by making this issue more important than your marriage and your spouse’s sense of worth.  You may have already lost emotional control by saying things that got personal and hurt your mate.

The wise and loving thing to do is to start approaching your disagreements with a willingness to not always insist on your own way.  That’s not to say your mate is necessarily right or being wise about a matter, but you are choosing to give strong consideration to their preference as a way of valuing them.

Love’s best advice comes from the Bible, which says, “The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield” (James 3:17 NKJV).  Instead of treating your wife or husband like an enemy or someone to be guarded against, start by treating them as your closest, most honored friend.  Give their words full weight.

No, you won’t always see eye-to-eye.  You’re not supposed to be carbon copies of each other.  If you were, one of you would be unnecessary.  Two people who always share the same opinions and perspectives won’t have any balance or flavor to enhance the relationship.  Rather, your differences are for listening to and learning from.

Are you willing to bend to demonstrate love to your spouse?  Or are you refusing to give in because of pride?  If it doesn’t matter in the long run – especially in eternity – then give up your rights and choose to honor the one you love.  It will be good for you and good for your marriage.

Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests others.  

– Philippians 2:4

Today’s Dare

Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse.  Tell them you are putting their preference first.

So over the last several months I’ve noticed great strides in pax performances.  Men are getting faster, stronger, and accomplishing more physically than I’ve seen before.  However, when I talk with individuals,  a common complaint often arises – “I just can not lose weight”.  It is a common occurrence I see every day with my patients.  As Dredd has said you cannot out King your Queen.  With the holidays upon us I felt it was a good time for a 40 day challenge.  Is is not uncommon for people to go into the holidays expecting to gain a little weight.  Unfortunately when you gain weight you feel bad about yourself which can then lead to /exacerbate holiday depression.  This then leads to the New Year’s resolution.  Essentially you go into each new year feeling down and depressed and we use January 1 as a time to shift course and “get back on track.”  Wouldn’t it be great if we went into the new year without all the end of year baggage (pun intended).

This challenge will have three main components – Input,  Output and Give Back…

1. Input – Jocko says “Disciple equals Freedom”.  However, by definition then Freedom must also equal discipline – In this challenge you will have the freedom to eat whatever you want but the disciple to eat no more than 2250 calories per day.  That means if you want to eat a banana split and caramel iced latte go right ahead – just remember, once you reach 2250 calories for the day you are done.  Record everything you eat (that handful of chips when you walk through the kitchen, a cookie from the break room etc) – you will be surprised at how many things we eat.
2. Output – You cannot grow unless you tear down and rebuild – this is concept behind strength training and exercise.  The challenge here is simple – exercise for 40 out of the next 50 days.  Post at a bootcamp, go for a run, swim, workout between the ferns, but it must be at least 45 minutes of sustained uninterrupted exercise.  If you work out more than once a day, do EC, or run for 90 minutes – good for you it still only counts for one day – Its a 40 DAY challenge not a 40 workout challenge (*see bonus below regarding input)
3. Give Back – If you make all these changes for the better and no one except yourself benefits then you have failed.  The first two parts should strengthen your body – this third part will strengthen your heart and mind.   Give something back weekly (7 total)- It can be as simple as helping a coworker move or even lending emotional support to a person in need but a least once per week do something above and beyond that gives something back to a person in need.

*Bonus – If you get a second workout done in a day add an additional 250 calories to the total for the day.  Do not add if it is not at least 45 minutes of sustained exercise.  (yardwork, busy day on the job, playing with kids etc does not count)

Now no challenge can be accomplished without some form of accountability (thanks Linus)  First and foremost you will a need a way to track calories – I suggest the app myfitnesspal.  It has 95% of foods you eat with calorie information.  Secondly you must weigh in – I suggest weekly – any more often and the changes are too small and the scale variability too great to see real change.   If you follow this diet you will lose a proportionate amount of weight to how overweight you are.  (Dr Seuss may gain weight) Third document- record your successes (and failures).  Write down your daily calorie count.  Record your weekly weight.  Keep a diary of your “giving back” activities – what you did how you felt about it and how you could have done more.

Finally, I strongly recommend doing this with a partner.  Identify another pax that has similar needs.  Identify someone you can lean on, encourage, etc.  Remember you are not alone – you have a shield lock – use it – hold yourself accountable by telling your partner what you eating – where you are posting, what activity you have done to give back for the week.

Remember Iron sharpens Iron.

This challenge will begin Friday Nov 1 and end on Friday December 20 with a special bootcamp/CSAUP on Saturday December 21st (more on this later).  Yes this is a full 40 day challenge – you will push yourself for 40 out of the next 50 days.  On your off days get the rest you need to recover but do not go crazy with your diet.  Gains can be wiped out quickly if you are not careful.  A good rule of thumb is to not exceed 3000 calories on your “off days”

Good Luck –

SYITG

Defib

YHC received a phone call last night from my Man Huck. Since he called you know it was important.
Huck was feeling down and did not want to spread the love of merlot with others so I gladly took the
Q.

530 all looking around then I whipped out the Weinkie and called the audible and explained.
Warm Up:
SSH, Mo Rockin Night Clubs, LBc’s, low slow squats,
Mosey to the Amphitheater,(isn’t it wonderful that the good Ole Boys of F3 have the cultural space of an amphitheater). Australian Mountain Climbers Lunge walk to end then dips. 5x each and increase by 5 each round.
Four Corners, YHC has bad vision and horrible handwriting so the combination can sometimes slow down reading the weinkie that early in the morning. Mumble Chatter began and thank goodness Montross helped me through the exercises. I did let all know that if they felt like my Q was not worthy they can all sign up! That always gets them quiet. Merkins, LBC, Plank Jacks, Squats.
What else would Huck do if he were here?
Calf Raises no number needed we did them until Volt and Stogie had to go to work.
We took a lap around the parking lot then to the Covered area just as the rain came.
Core Principles. Folsom has had some new men recently we all go up to them and rattle off some jargon but forget its hard to remember a lot of this stuff when you are just trying to stay in cadence.
So we did Core work for Each Core Principle. I read each one then followed by some COre. So tighten that core and hold on!
!. Rosalitas (free of charge)
2. Freddy Mercury’s (open to all Men)
3. Oblique Crunch Right and Left (Heat or cold, Rain or Shine)
4. High Plank (Led by Men in a rotating Fashion) KingPin counted the time since he is the newest
5. Heels to Heaven (Circle of Trust)
Mosey to the parking lot, took prayer request and ended with Circle of Trust.

Prayer Request
Big Pappy’s Brother in law is coming home from the Hospital, the Davenport family, and everyone involved in the Tuna this week.

The BedPan is Full.

For some reason today I wasn’t quite awake for what I had in store for my brothers at the Bulldog. However, in true F3 fashion the HIMs that showed up helped me stumble through. I was also impressed with the number of PAX that showed. Great work men. Here is how it went.

Pledge
Warm up: SSH x 15 IC, Grass Pickers x 10 IC, Don Q x 10 IC, 15 Merkins OYO, 5 burpees for fun

1 Min AMRAP x 2 rounds
1st Set: Step-ups, Big Boys/ pax choice ab work, Dips, Swings, Curls, Mountain climbers
*Lap around the parking lot
2 Set: SSH, American Hammers, Merkins of any style, Squat presses, Curls with different grip, Mike Tysons.

We ended with a few minutes of Mary
Announcements (same as usual about the 5ks coming up)
Prayer Request: Myself and my family as we travel. All other unspoken requests.

Nice work men, thanks for the opportunity to lead.

Consider these two scenarios.

A man’s older car begins having serious trouble, so he takes it to a mechanic.  After an assessment is made, he is told it will need a complete overhaul, which would tax his limited budget.  Because of the expensive repairs, he determines to get rid of the car and spend his funds on a new vehicle.  Seems reasonable, right?

Another man, an engineer, accidentally crushes his hand in a piece of equipment.  He rushes to the hospital and has it x-rayed, finding that numerous bones are broken. Although frustrated and in pain, he willingly uses his savings to have it doctored and placed in a cast, then gingerly nurses it back to health over the following months.  This too, probably seems reasonable to you.

The problem within our culture is that marriage is more often treated like the first scenario.  When your relationship experiences difficulty, you are urged to dump your spouse for a “newer model.”  But those who have this view do not understand the significant bond between a husband and wife.  The truth is, marriage is more like the second scenario.  You are a part of one another.  You would never cut off your hand if it was injured but would pay whatever you could afford for the best medical treatment possible.  That’s because your hand is priceless to you. It is part of who you are.

And so is your mate.  Marriage is a beautiful mystery created by God, joining two lives together as one.  This is not only happens physically but spiritually and emotionally.  You start off sharing the same house, the same bed, the same last name.  Your identity as individuals has been joined into one.  When your spouse goes through a tragedy, both of you feel it.  When you find success at your job, both of your rejoice.  But somewhere along the way, you experience disappointment, and the sobering reality that you married and imperfect person sets in.

This, however, does not change the fact that your spouse is still a part of you.  Ephesians 5:28-29 says, “Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.”

This verse speaks to husbands, but notice how each member is viewed.  They are both considered to be the same flesh.  You must treat them with the same nurture and care that you treat yourself. When you show love to your spouse, you are showing love to yourself as well.

But there is a flip side to this coin.  When you mistreat your mate, you are mistreating yourself.  Think about it.  Your lives are now interwoven together.  Your spouse cannot experience joy or pain, blessing or cursing, without it also affecting you.  So when you attack your mate, it is like attacking your own body.

It’s time to let love change your thinking.  It’s time for you to realize that your spouse is as much a part of you as your hand, your eye, or your heart.  She, too, needs to be loved and cherished.  And if she has issues causing pain or frustration, then you should care for these with the same love and tenderness as you would a bodily injury.  If he is wounded in some way, you should think of yourself as an instrument that helps bring healing to his life.

In light of this, think about how you treat your spouse’s physical body.  Do you cherish it as your own?  Do you treat it with respect and tenderness?  Do you take pleasure in who they are?  Or do you make them feel foolish or embarrassed?  Just as you treasure your eyes, hands, and feet, you should treasure your spouse as a priceless gift.

Don’t let the culture around you determine the worth of your marriage.  To compare it with something that can be discarded or replaced is to dishonor God’s purpose for it.  That would be like amputating a limb.  Instead, it should be a picture of love between two imperfect people who choose to love each other regardless.

Whenever a husband looks into the eyes of his wife, he should remember that “he who loves his wife loves himself.”  And a wife should remember that when she loves him, she is also giving love and honor to herself.

When you look at your mate, you’re looking at a part of you.  So treat her well.  Speak highly of him.  Nourish and cherish the love of your life.

Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.

– Ephesians 5:28

Today’s Dare

What need does your spouse have that could meet today?  Can you run an errand?  Give a back rub or foot massage?  Is there housework you could help with?  Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you” and do it with a smile.

Didn’t have a Q scheduled so YHC went back to back on Starkville Q’s.

warm up:

cherry pickers

Don Q’s

Moroccan night clubs

the thang:

Honestly I was unprepared because for some reason I thought Bedpan’s Q was this week (it’s next week).  I consider this a Q fail on my part because I cannot remember everything we did but I know we got in some work.

we lunged each court and did 10 reps of various exercises and when we got finished we up’d to 15 then 20.  After all that we did some Mary….

good fellewship with Blart today.

prayer request: safety for the Tuna and the half marathon this weekend.  Also the Davenport family.

If someone were to ask you, “Why do you love your wife?” or “Why do you love your husband?” – what would you say?

Most men would mention their wife’s beauty, her sense of humor, her kindness, her inner strength.  They might talk about her cooking, her knack for decorating, or what a good mother she is.

Women would probably say something about their husband’s good looks or his personality.  They’d commend him for his steadiness and consistent character.  They’d say they love him because he’s always there for them. He’s generous.  He’s helpful.

But what if over the course of years, your wife or husband stopped being every one of those things.  Would you still love them?  Based on your answers above, the only logical response would be “no.”  If your reasons for loving your spouse all have something to do with his or her qualities – and then those same qualities suddenly or gradually disappear – your basis for love is over.

The only way love can last a lifetime is if it’s unconditional.  The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.

The Bible refers to this kind of love by using the Greek word agape(pronounced uh-GOP-ay).

It differs from the other types of love, which are – phileo (friendship) and eros(sexual love).  Both friendship and sex have an important place in marriage, of course, and are definitely part of the house you build together as husband and wife.  But if your marriage totally depends on having common interests or enjoying a healthy sex life, then the foundation of your relationship is unstable.

Phileo and eros are more responsive in nature and can fluctuate based upon feelings.  Agape love, on the other hand, is selfless and unconditional.   So unless this kind of love forms the foundation of your marriage, the wear and tear of time will destroy it.  Agape love is in “sickness and health” love, “for richer or poorer” love, “for better or worse” love.  It is the only kind of love that is true love.

That’s because this is God’s kind of love.  He doesn’t love use because we are lovable but because He is so loving.  The Bible says, “In this love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (1 John 4:10).  If He insisted that we prove ourselves worthy of His love, we would fail miserably.  But God’s love is a choice He makes completely on His own.  It’s something we receive from Him and then share with others.  “We love, because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19).

If a man says to his wife, “I have fallen out of love with you,” he is actually saying, “I never loved you unconditionally to begin with.”  His love was based on feelings or circumstances rather than commitment.  That’s the result of building a marriage on phileo or eros love.  There must be a stronger foundation than mere friendship or sexual attraction.  Unconditional love,agape love, will not be swayed by time or circumstance.

That’s not to say, though, that love which began for the wrong reasons cannot be restored and redeemed.  In fact, when you rebuild your marriage with agape as its foundation, then the friendship and romantic aspects of your love become more endearing than ever before.  When your enjoyment of each other as best friends and lovers is based on unwavering commitment, you will experience an intimacy that cannot be achieved any other way.

But you will struggle and fail to attain this kind of marriage unless you allow God to begin growing His love within you.  Love that “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7) does not come from within.  It can only come from God.

The Scriptures say that “neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39).  This is God’s kind of love.  And thankfully – by your choice – it can become your kind of love.  But first you must receive it and share it.

And don’t be surprised, when your spouse begins living confidently under its shade, if he or she doesn’t become even more lovable to you than you remember.  You will no longer say, “I love you because …” You will now say, “I love you, period.”

God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ dies for us.  

– Romans 5:8

Today’s Dare

Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse — something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else.  Wash her car.  Clean the kitchen.  Buy his favorite dessert.  Fold the laundry.  Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.