Author: Short Sale (Page 12 of 20)

I was the Q at this afternoon’s workout at the nation’s #1 afternoon workout below the television tower at the top of Spencer Mountain. The title says it all, reflecting back to May 7th 2020 a day that lives in infamy, at least in my history book. What’s so interesting about that day you ask? Well for one, it was a historic Q by none other than Phat Ricky, aka Freight. He designed a workout in honor of his stone, titled the Def Leppard WOD. But you want find any of the workout chronicled as a backblast because it was during the earlier days of COVID, when Governor DipShit thought the famed virus would severely attack anyone working out in a group of 5 or more, outdoors in the extreme heat. Thankfully after securing a second term, the Gov has been studying the science and he’s digressed to just making folks wear a mask to limit their breathing during workouts. Back to the point – 215 days ago Freight caused me to tear my meniscus. I didn’t know it was torn until Sunday, but I’m blaming it on him. Though I did the official opening working at the GasHouse on May 9th. However, Freight created a challenging workout that most men dare attempt, let alone complete. I bet SA tore his that day too! So 215 days, $10k, a bunch of ice packs, not many posts, a lot of complaining and little sympathy, here I am to declare good health, at least for today. Freight says he offered a disclaimer that day but really he was going against the governors orders so he’s lucky not to get some jail time in addition to the bill I instructed my health care provider to charge him. Speaking of disclaimers, mine was pretty brief today – you’re an idiot for being here and that was primarily intended for Quiche’s son Jacob Dyksterhouse (much easier to call him Quiche than spell that!) took his dad’s advice and came for the Daily Red Pill. The men that gathered were chatting it up pretty good and looked disinterested when I asked them to circle up. After the disclaimer, I said “this would be a different warm-up than normal.” Of course I got some weird looks – after all it’s Midoriyama and English is not a primary language and math may as well be in Chinese.

Warm-Up – the following exercises are NOT in cadence but 30 seconds per exercise.

• Lunge left, twist right
• Lunge right, twist left
  • Not sure anyone really did these, mostly it was me doing and the PAX wondering if we had started or not
• Get in Plank – alternate toe touch (officially Jingle Balls in F3 Lexicon)
• Stay in Plank – bring your right foot beside right hand, bring left foot beside left hand; go back to plank – this was terrible for Broke’s hernia
• Freight complained about being cold and not moving – In & Outs – he said he preferred running
• Back on your feet – Twist Jacks (I could attempt to explain, but you’re not likely to get it – neither did the PAX)
• High Knees – finally something the PAX knew – Freight judged the Q’s knees were not 90 degrees (see intro paragraph and aforementioned knee damage he caused – be wary of the words you sew…)
• Butt Kickers
• Burpees – they were real happy now. Blart confessed he was officially warmed up

If the PAX bodies weren’t lukewarm, most of their mouths were as the mumble chatter was popping. Time to mosey to the parking lot northwest near the soccer fields.

Thang:

Red Reaper – 15 merkins, 30 shoulder taps (single count), 15 merkins; run a lap around the island – 3 total circuits. Move to the benches at Field #1. 15 dips, 30 decline Peter Parker, 15 dips; run across the field and back – 3 total circuits. Blart then wondered if we would do any shoulder work? Broke said his arms were properly inflated. I was hoping Sister Act would attend but he’s in quarantine preparing for his surgery on Friday likely caused by Freight. But he loves a Triple Nickle – so in his memory, I mean honor, we used the hill overlooking the field to go 5 rounds of 5 Freddie Mercury’s at the bottom and 5 LBC’s at the top. I checked my watch and had a time gap so we filled it with 2 laps around all the islands in the parking lot. Thanks to Seuss, Pillager and Purple Haze for catching the 6. The final thing on the menu was extended Mary – back to the tabata timer for 30 seconds of the following:

• 90 degree leg raise – I think Blart or someone else informed me the lexicon referred to it as Homer & Marge – well if it were in cadence, then I’d agree. But I’m not calling cadence – which some took offense to. At this point you can do it or not – PAX choice
• Dollys – we all agreed – an F3 ab exercise
• 2 Reverse Crunches + 2 V-Ups – again, lots of complaints about this being too hard – suggested I should do one or the other but not combining – up to you how you modify – the acronym HTFU applies (Freight – don’t let your 2.0 see that one (or read this backblast)
• Penguin Crunch – familiar – most did it
• Turtle Crunch – legs 90 degrees, lay flat and do a sit-up – more complaints
• Elbow plank – do hip slappers – more complaining why we did in elbow plank instead of against a wall (cause we’re doing Mary and not strength work)
• Elbow plank – alternate hip touch (sway hips side to side, try to touch the ground)
• Elbow plank – knee taps – Q was called out for being in Def Leppard form – thanks for the correction
• Fifer Scissor Left leg, Right arm touch only – some alternated – ok – picked up the other side
• Fifer Scissor Right leg, Left arm (see above)
• Heels to Heaven – Freight said his abs hurt at this point (don’t sue me – I gave a disclaimer)
• Butterfly Crunch – bottom of feet together, legs in two triangles, do a sit-up; Oompa Loompa said age prevented him for doing this one

I had more but we were running low on time and needed to return to the base : Done!

Announcements: Blood Drive, X-mas party; Prayer Request: Sister Act’s surgery, people fighting COVID and illness in our community;

COT: Jacob Dyksterhouse – son of Quiche, college student at Texas Christian University, music major, middle eastern history minor (Quiche – I’m not seeing a broad job field on this one…), kicked field goals, punted, and played tennis in high school, all star intramural in college, was lead in several musicals. We had a lot of info and that stymied us a bit. Plus it was cold, I barely formed my lips to speak the prayer and the pledge was worse. We went with Billy Ray – as in the father of Miley Cyrus – I think because he’s in Texas and sings…it’s done and we’ll wish we thought of something better.

Moleskin: on the initial mosey, Freight shared a story about his 2.0 looking at his phone and seeing some acronyms asked her dad what some meant. I can’t remember the couple said, but the punchline was “Daddy, what does ‘SOL’ mean?” All dad’s have been caught off-guard at one time or another so he quickly replied the “O” is actually two words: “out & of” (but as we abbreviate in Gaston County “outta”) and “L” is luck, and the “S” is a bad word you can’t say. “Shit out of Luck,” can be applied to a lot of stuff these days. I threw some shade at Freight, but it pales in comparison to the mumble chatter he gave during the workout. He’s a tough dude and can take it. We as a society often blame others for things that happen. It gives us an excuse. I’ve used my knee being sore for over 200 days to get out of the stuff I don’t want to do. I was talking with Flintstone Sunday after Q-Source, after he ran 5 miles and I rolled out of bed for the indoor portion of the event. He asked why I wasn’t posting in the mornings. He caught me. I’ve built the easy excuse to fartsack during the week. Where was I Monday morning? The Sandlot at 0530. F3 calls us to be leaders and as leaders, we should try to our best to make our own luck. Sure sometimes we’ll be SOL but that’s life, we’ll eventually recover. It could take a 215 days but eventually we get there.

SYITG

Damn, now that’s a headline! It’s an actual quote from one of the PAX at my Thursday Q at the nation’s preeminent afternoon workout. During the festivities, the mumble chatter had my mind buzzing with other working titles such as Buckeye’s Hysterectomy or Sargento Playlist. Typical of Midoriyama and their cast of characters, the mumble chatter did not disappoint. I filled the Q slot more so as a goal. My knee isn’t feeling great but then I see a guy like Sister Act who posts relentlessly and he currently has a torn meniscus – mine is repaired and I’m only dealing with some swelling. So I took the advice of my good friend Roscoe and his hashtag of #HTFU – I need to get better. The forecast for last Thursday afternoon was ominous so my Weinke had a good portion for covered shelter with picnic table work. But then the Lord looked out for me and cleared a window for good weather and the opportunity for full use of Poston. Here is how it went.

A veteran group so only a limited disclaimer of being an idiot and following any suggestion I was about to make. Per tradition we started with Moroccan Night Clubs, but only 5 in cadence. I quickly moved through my standard routine of Toy Soldiers and Side to Side lunges – quiet ole Blart started giving me some of the business for this. I thought about jumping to a Slaughter Starter but my repertoire is a bit circumcised by the aforementioned knee issue, so I move to SSH for a 10 count. We say good bye to Freight for his commitment in support of the G2G challenge #HIM.

The remaining knuckleheads follow me to the picnic shelter in the lower parking lot for a tabata mixing in all the key areas of lower and upper body with some core. We worked through four exercises at 30 seconds each with a 30 second rest between circuits – two times each set. Plenty of mumble chatter as the PAX didn’t have to count. This is where Buckeye sounded like his intestines were being pulled through his anus like rosary beads. Sargento did his normal amount of complaining and wasting valuable time/opportunity of upper body development. Blart offered his displeasure to most everything called while Pockets and Lil’ Sweet paired off in the corner in their own world.

#1

• Step-up Right
• Derkin
• Step-up Left
• Decline Peter Parker

#2

• Bulgarian Split Squats Right
• Dips
• Bulgarian Split Squats Left
• Turtle Crunch

#3

• American Hammer
• Full Leg Lifts (use the picnic table or bench)
• Flutter Kick (these two paired together created a lot of whining – consider this in your next Q)
• Makhtar Ndiaye – plank on the ground then on the picnic bench

Next up was a lengthy mosey from the picnic shelter to the lower soccer field for a new routine. I didn’t have a name for it but for now let’s call it Balls in the Bucket. I had fifteen golf balls (Blart was partial to the blue one for some reason. Numerous references to Slaw’s condition were made. Instructions and Midoriyama go together like Pelosi and Trump in a cross country car ride. So I did my best and they caught on eventually. The balls were scattered among the field in a 20’x20′ or so area. I nominated Buckeye to start us off as the “picker-upper.” The time it took Buckeye to pick up all 15 balls, one at a time (that is correct, I said one at a time Buckeye), the PAX would perform the called exercise. So the timer gets in a little (or a lot) of cardio, depending on their effort. And the PAX get some or a lot of strength or core work, depending on the picker-upper’s effort. Each PAX took a turn to pick up the balls. If that makes sense to you, you’re better off than those that attended. Called exercises were:

• Merkins
• LBC’s
• Mtn Climbers
• Corkscrew L + Hand Release Merkins + Corkscrew R
• CDD
• Crunch Frog
• Single Arm Tricep Merkin R
• Single Arm Tricep Merkin L (these are new – do not ask Dr. Seuss how to perform)

With 5 minutes left, we moseyed back to home base and after a few jokes, finished with a minute or so of dying cockroaches so the PAX got their money’s worth.

COT – Announcements for Christmas Party on 12/12; Prayer requests: Stephanie McMahan, Tiger’s friend w/ new born needing surgery, Slaw’s daughter’s band teacher passing unexpectedly, Catamount, and Belmont family whose daughter committed suicide; YHC took us out.

Moleskin – Upon completion of the game, I picked up the small bucket with the golf balls to carry with us to the base. Slaw jokingly says he’d be honored if he could carry my balls and that phrase was too good not to be shared. Like a lot of men among us, there is toughness about them that you can admire. Getting to know Slaw a bit and how much it means for him to be pushing the rock has been one of the many benefits the unique combination of first and second F’s have brought to me. Sharing the fact we both have been on the sidelines and IR more than we’d like is another thing we unfortunately have in common. So I was happy upon arrival to see Slaw among the many friends at the fabled Midoriyama playground. Until the next time, it was a pleasure to lead.

I wanted to “announce my presence with authority…” quick what movie line is that? Slaw is on the IR but I’m sure he’d know it was none other than Ebby Calvin “Nuke” LaLoosh in Bull Durham. Nearly six weeks ago, I had surgery to repair the torn meniscus in my right knee. Honestly I thought I’d have been back a lot sooner. Clavin had a similar procedure performed by the same doctor and was running by the end of the week. I guess all that superhero gear he wears is for good reason, maybe he’s secretly roaming the Halls of Justice instead of the post office. Or maybe I’m a slow healer, whatever the case, other than some morning stiffness (ahh – don’t go there…) in my knee and some swelling, I’m moving much better in my slow but steady progress. Wojo asked for September Q’s a few weeks back and I submitted my name – part of a goal to get there. To get ready, I continued my solitary diet of youtube videos in my garage. I wasn’t quite sure how much running my knee was going to take, so I kept that light but I did develop a menu for a steady dose of some of my favorite activities employed over my IR period.

Arrive early at Midoriyama to set up the venue and get some stretching done along with conversation with the guys – because that is really why I was there. When Freight shared some candor that he was here for the 5:30 workout, I knew the pleasantries were done and it was time to clock in. The circle formed and I climbed upon the bike, hoping I could recall how to ride it. Oh, lets get the Pledge first; check. Now, oh announcements, no too early. Disclaimer – ‘you vs. you, Gold Digger vs. Gold Digger, Sister Act vs. Sister Act, Seuss vs. Seuss, and the rest of us fall in line…”

Warm-up

• MNCs – IC for 11
• Toy Soldier – IC for 10
• SSH – Sort of a count as Freight was on point early to call out some things not right. We may have completed 10 or so.

The Burpee Bonanza – 1 minute on the clock, 10 burpees; after that minute, 9 burpees but 55 seconds to complete and on down reduce count by 1 burpee and 5 seconds until the final set – 1 minute AMRAP – this pissed off the crowed to my joy and set the tone for the rest of the workout. Mosey to the small soccer fields on the right.

The four corners of the field had signs. Despite the written instructions, this is Midoriyama so further explanation and instructions were required.

• Corners 1 & 3: 15 Merkins, 15 Shoulder Taps (count 1 side or count both and double it), 15 Merkins (count your stomach)
• Corners 2 & 4: 15 Mtn. Climbers (count one knee), 15 Am Hammers (count right side 7 times and left side 8 times), 15 Mtn. Climbers (count the other knee one time)

I learned Gold Digger doesn’t listen to instructions, he is so used to giving them. Point noted. I think after halfway through he recognized the green signs I posted. As of the others, it was organized chaos with Freight sure to question the count each time. We went 2x through.

Everyone on their 6 in front of the bleachers.

Set 1

• Single leg glute bridge – left x 15 (count right butt cheek)
• Dips x 15 (count each toe on right foot 2x and left foot 1x)
• Single leg glute bridge – right x 15 (count left butt cheek)
• The group on the second set of bleachers failed to hear the 2x through part. Def Leppard’s plantar faciitis must have spurred up and affected his glutes – unique form to say the least but you vs. you, anyway – take a lap around the field

Set 2

• Forearm merkins x 15 (this was a crowd pleaser – if you want to hear complaining, call these out – it was relentless whining like milk and cookies not being served at Pre-K snack time); start in a elbow plank, contract your triceps and raise to a full arm extended plank and return = 1; count your neck 1 each rep
• Raised plank leg lifts x 15 right, x 15 left – this is where the title came from – sort of…I can’t really explain this one as much as I’d have to show you…I said this to my M once and got smacked…but that is the only way sometimes. Anyway – this exercise works both glute muscles. Broke inquired “is that your butt muscle?” Yes – this is your butt muscle…or as Forest Gump called it “the buttocks.” I’ve learned in my IR time that men don’t develop their glutes as well and that leads to injuries or soreness in lower extremities. So consider adding some glute work to your home routines and get you stronger to handle the chaos of F3.
• Freight’s mumble chatter was rampant at this point, so much that I added an unintended 3rd round of this and then we took a lap.

Set 3

• Side elbow plank, opposite hand on ear and crunch that elbow to the ground to work obliques x 15 R/L
• Stay in elbow plant, fire hydrant left for 15 then right for 15
• two rounds

Mosey back to base for a bunch of Mary. All exercises were a 10 count – who knows how close anyone came to actually following it. I called it, demo and then went to work.

• Corkscrew + Hand Release Merkin (Vanilla Ice dominated this break dancing move)
• Alternating Leg Drop from 90 degrees + crunch
• Heels to Heaven
• Double “Sandy” V Crunch (2 right, 2 left = 1)
• V-Sit Flutter Kick – they hated this one
• Genie Crunch – not even sure anyone did these
• Turtle Crunch – more complaining

COT: Prayers lifted for Double Stuff’s friend Corey that his condition took a different turn – help the doctors find a treatment and solution; Sister Act’s 2.0 – I took us out, sort of . I haven’t prayed aloud in a while so sort of rambled.

Moleskin: I’m sore today. I knew my knee would be but attacking the glutes brought about additional soreness in that area – I’m sure those attending could feel similar. Anyone having attended Midoriyama knows the mumble chatter is quite chattery to say the least. In my garage, it’s just me and a video and those instructors are always so nice and encouraging (and better looking). Like the algorithms that create the click bait headlines we see daily on social media, Butt Hurt could have multiple meanings.  It could have meant my feelings were hurt (“people have feelings?” as Fright may say). Admittedly I forgot about the MC coming at me like Verlander fastballs. In reflecting, the chaos we seek to overcome in our workouts can come from the Pax as much as the Q or the elements. You have to be prepared for that when stepping into the arena and I quickly realized I needed to embrace the opportunity and give it right back. On the ride home I felt good having accomplished my goal to lead the workout. More importantly it was good to feel the love of the brothers around me. But today, my butt hurts, literally.  Thanks for the chance to lead.