Simple & Sinister – your personal kettlebell guide

Hi everyone, do you want to have steel cable arms?  Would you like to be able to squat a house?  Would you like to have a musculature like that of an iron wall?  Have you ever seen a runner and thought, you’d better run, because if I catch you I’ll crush your spine with my bare hands?  No?  Just me?  Uuuuhhhh…..

So the Kettlebell is a great tool, ain’t no doubt.  I hadn’t Q’d the mighty Bulldog yet, much to my shame.  I travel a lot, and while it’s easy to say “find a workout”, it isn’t that easy.  And it’s hard to get out of the hotel bed and get inspired sometimes.  Enter the Kettlebell.  I’ve been working with these since Painlab was created, and it is a simple tool that can yield great results.  Charlotte F3 uses them as well, here are some facts:

• we lose muscle rapidly as we get older, men.  You can have a baboon-cardio heart, but without some weight training I fear for the long-term.
• learning form is absolutely necessary.  Discipline is involved, but very rewarding….just like F3!
• there are many programs out there, and after researching and performing many, here’s what I reviewed with the guys today, and a program all of you can implement:

SIMPLE & SINISTER – I bought the book and am involved in a the r/Kettlebell thread on Reddit pretty heavily.  I’m going to break this program down for you, but if you want to borrow my book it’s about a 1-2 hour read.  There’s much more to things than what I list, but here’s what we did:

• Disclaimer – no sue me, if it hurts stop, I’ll drive you to the hospital but you can’t get me to pay for the ride
• F3 W/U (we had an FNG, wanted him to get the full experience of F3.  Otherwise we would have gone straight to S&S warm-up)
  • SSH, Low Slow Squat, Moroccan NC, Imp Walker, Merkins, LBC’s (about 10 of each)
• Simple & Sinister W/U (this is what the program says to do:
  • 5 reps x 3 sets of Prying Goblet Squat (grab the horns, squat, flex hips to open at bottom, take your time, show to know)
  • 5 reps x 3 sets of Hip Bridges (raise hips, flex and squeeze, repeat-o, show to know)
  • 5 reps x 3 sets of Halos (around the skull one way, back around the other.  Get your breathing right)
• Squat Test – I noticed some form was off on the squats, and I will ALWAYS remember Gastone posting in a backblast about form:  hunching over and swinging your back up in the air is NOT a squat.  Form is important.  I’ll take 3 good ones over 10 ### ones any day.  So if you want to get proper form, stand 6 inches away from a wall, or less.  Squat.  Your nose nor your knees should touch the wall.  Simple.
• Swings – we taught everyone the form (good work HIPAA), ultimately I wanted 10 reps per arm, x 5 sets.  In SIMPLE, you have 5 minutes to get this done in perfect form with a 24 KG (50 lb. ) kettlebell.  I told the guys to get a weight they think is heavier than they can handle, work on double-handed swings, but to get the form right.  Everyone pushed.  GOOD WORK.
• Turkish Get-Ups – we taught the form, which is serious work.  Turkish Get-Ups eat Burpees for breakfast.  There is no substitute, the hardest exercise on the planet.  To teach, I showed them the shoe-method (show to know), and asked for 1 per arm, for 5 sets.  Take your time.  To complete SIMPLE you must get 10 (total) in 10 minutes with perfect from.  Everyone pushed hard.  GOOD WORK.

SINISTER is completing the above, but with a 96 lb. kettlbell.  My goal is to get to using a 96 lb. bell by 2020.  I’ve missed some F3 time because the program says to do it about every day.  Don’t be shocked if I incorporate this into the gloom.  And since this program can be done in 20-25 minutes, it left a lot of time in F3 land.  So I showed some other Kbell exercises:

• low halo
• figure 8’s
• mid halo
• half-moons (these are nightmare fuel if you get in the teens…)
• snatch
• press

Time for some Mary, VooDoo said “oh boy, I can knock out part of my 5000” or whatever, so I said to hell with it and we did 50 consecutive in cadence, then added another 10 because I hate everyone.  Enjoy your 120 being done VooDoo.  TIME.

Prayers, announcements, etc.  My $.02 was short and sweet, just like me.

MOLESKIN – I’ve given all my brothers a program in the above.  I truly believe that HIPAA has given our region an unique advantage.  You lift weights at least twice a week, you will be better for it.  You NEED it.  Then go run Rooster’s and Blue Ridge Relays.  I miss lifting weights, but I’m not a youngster and my body is wrecked.  Kettlebell work enables me to get strong.  Add it to your life.

It’s an honor to be a part of F3 and lead a workout.

Comrade Rudolph