Whoop’ass’

Linus, arrival 6:30’ish, planted shovel flags, off for EC and to vet my Q.  Survey the grounds, shore up some weakness, nailed it, arrive back at the Schiele to find Dolph and company muscle bound and shirtless.  Too much for me, I merlot’ed in the brick vestibule and gunned it for the car, hopped in and started to back out when the PAX caught me and made me carry on with the Q.  Extremely intimidating to be leading the leader’s.

Disclaimer, no FNG’s, only serious well sculpted terrifying PAX staring at me.  No further disclaimer needed, on with sideshow.  Start, one Monkey Humper in cadence, Short Sale will not start with Side Straddle Hop and of course Brown Streak likes to know how many we are going to do.

SSH – 20 in cadence

LBC’s – 20 in cadence

Merkin – 10 in cadence

Something else – (insert # here) in cadence

Off we go.  Pax tried to convince me not to notice the Bear Crawl path to the left as we moseyed up the hill but that area somehow just kept beckoning me to arrive.  Up to Grier, down to the old Gymnasium where Dolph (for the first time I’ve ever seen) nearly loses a battle with a russet vermillion arachnid the size of a 50’s style BMW Iseta.  Tool Time jumps in to yank Dolph back from the near bloody bruising losing battle and whop’s a Batman ‘POW’ on the slightly non-venomous but mighty inch sized thoraxed mite which mostly sent the pint sized demon back to the wall seeking safety and pining for the impending school year to haunt the unsuspecting teenagers.  Great, off to a good start so far, Dolph with the jitters and Tool Time feeling like a warrior, everybody with their shirts off, 5 pull ups on a roof capped portico with enough space to slide 1/2 a hand through for a greasy grip.  Luckily Tool Time hit his head (about the time I remembered I cruised through that disclaimer) on the rusty aluminum head slicer and I’m trying to complete my 2nd rep while the PAX finished all 5 trying to concentrate on my lift and checking the concrete for blood.  All good (I think), Tool Time only slightly damaged the metal and it actually seemed to strengthen his warrior resolve.  Two more times, pull ups times 5.  Move on to the main event with Tool Time talking crap to the mighty small Tarantula.

Mosey to the baseball field.  Monstrously small hill ahead, let’s Bear Crawl up, 20 CDD’s at the top and 20 incline/reverse derkins (stand at tables, lean and press).  Still not sure what it is called as many suggestions helped to confuse me more.  First round I did with relative ease as I came back down the hill to greet the finished PAX.  Bottom of hill, bad decision making time.  Bear Crawl backwards up the hill, 20 CDD’s at the top and 20 reverse derkins.  I think that single decision drained what life I had left in me.  Finished though, all of us and I continued on borrowing page’s from Roscoe’s playbook.  Warning to all, do NOT ever borrow an event from Roscoe’s playbook.  Serious major shin splints to epicondylitis to minor fatalities could occur.  Modified 11’s, 5 Burpees at the bottom, top of hill is 10 Derkins.  Have to give the Kudos to each PAX.  All lapped me at least by 2-3 times and each one took a turn carrying me up the hill, Moses did his Burpees while carrying me, what a beast.  I’m leaning on him to Q sometime and ToolTime offered to co-Q with him, T-claps for the support sir.  That exercise alone really wore me down, thanks to the PAX for the sustenance.

Finish, slow mosey to the field except ToolTime wanting more so he did a slow sprint to the designated area.  When I caught up about 15 minutes later we started on some additional pain.  Start, 10 8-count Absolution.  Tool Time bitched.  Monk and Toto with the excellent form.  Plank position, feet up/feet back 1/2, left elbow down/right elbow down 3/4, feet out/feet in 5/6, right arm up/left arm up 7/8 (brings you back to plank).  2nd merlot for the day for me.

10 PCMB’s (Prisoner Cell Merkin Burpees).  Demo twice so I counted that in my 10.  Hey, modify as needed, I heard myself say that in the weak disclaimer.

10 Alabama Butt Kickers – Trying to keep the exercise language clean, I called the word ‘butt’ but Tool Time argued that ‘Ass’ is perfectly theologically accurate and acceptable and with the ensuing mumble chatter you would not believe the amount of ‘ass’ around that place, guy’s dream I suppose.  End of that round we were all an ‘ass’.

Mosey on the track to the Bear Crawl path, 1/2 way around I realized we could have taken a shorter route so we moseyed back to the start to take the shorter path.  Arrival at the 50′ Bear Crawl path, nearly vomit free and Whoopee notes that it is not 50′ long.  Me, Linus, feeling like a mistral chinook proposes to Whoop’ass a guess to how long it really is?  Whoopee responds, well, I don’t know.  Hmmmmm, you don’t know?  You, Whoopee/Whoopass, don’t know?  But, you sure as hell know it’s not 50′ feet!  Well, okay with me.  We agreed it was somewhere between 1-999′ long.  Keeps everybody jubilant.

50′ long +/- track – Lunge track while Pax planks, round 1.  Bear Crawl while Pax engages in Al Gore, round 2.  Crabwalk while PAX planks, round 3.

Mosey to shaded section of track, quick round of Mary, long enough to give us about 2 minutes and 32 seconds to get back to the Schiele.

Back, survived, yes.

Moleskin:

8/11 – FIA like event starting at Folsom, 8:00 by Pizza Man’s wife.

8/25 – 50 mile local CSAUP, cookout at Sargento’s afterwards that evening, Pax and M’s only.  Only one M per Pax please

9/22 – Speed for Need / Soldier Suicide event

9/22 – JJ 5K, Trail Run in Stanley

10/6 Burpeethon to benefit Special Olympics NC hosted by Gastonia Police Department.  Sign ups to be online soon.  ToolTime and Hippa working together to promote event.  Last year this event raised $1500, the 2nd largest fundraiser of the year for them.  This time ToolTime is lobbying to double this amount plus.  So, all PAX will be signed up in advance with 60 day terms, Roscoe will arrest non-payers and Monk will pray for them.  No to above, but seriously sign up and do not miss this special event.

Concerns:  Sly still in Afghanistan, praying for arrival home in Nov/Dec timeframe, Monk and Whetstone program, Hippa with family concerns, safe travels for Hippa and Slaw.

Honored to lead where I am frequently the Six.

Linus, out.