Clear As Mud

The Gastonia Region have F3 opportunities seven days of the week, so it’s not necessarily clear when the official week begins. Is it Sunday for the runners to travel four or five miles before Sunday worship services? According to Genesis, chapter two, the writer references God rested on the seventh day. I’m not leading into this backblast to initiate a theological debate; I’ll leave that to Monk or a gathering at The Crusade. But I raise the question of Monday morning as possibly the beginning of the week, when most of us return to our jobs (except for Hushpuppy who seems to be “working all the time.” (Hey Whoopee – that’s a quote from your favorite prog-rock band)). So into the wee hours of the beginning of the work week, 12 men stumbled out of their fart-sacks and made their way to Martha’s House to expend whatever energy had re-charged from Bulldog’s Folsom Farewell. It seemed the PAX bodies were more awake than their comprehension.

My plan required a bit of set-up so I sped by the Sno-cone shop and hustled to prepare the final leg of the beat-down; more on that later. I checked the time and had two minutes until the start time. I returned to my car and came in hot for my own Q, jumping directly into the center of the circle. Turtleman already stated he would take the Q if I was a no show, to avoid another impromptu beat-down from Gastone that I’m sure most of the PAX felt throughout the weekend. There were no FNG’s but it was nice to see Sake back with us. The others were regulars, including Stone Cold in his new weight vest. A quick disclaimer was shared “you shouldn’t have posted this morning, modify as needed.” Now to shake it up a bit, going with a different type of warm-up.

Warm-up:

• Set 1: PAX perform Side-Straddle-Hops and one by one, each man would drop to perform 5 merkins then re-join the PAX with SSH.
• Set 2: PAX perform Mountain Climbers and one by one, each man would perform 10 lbc’s, which I directed to perform 5 for each leg or 10 total. This proved difficult.
• Set 3: PAX perform Butt Kickers and one by one, each man would perform 10 flutter kicks. The direction was repeated: count 5 each leg or 10 total, once again, a challenge encountered.

I stated more than once, actually several times the count was 5 per leg or 10 total. The translation was lost as some PAX ignored instructions and performed 10 or even more for each leg.  The intent was to get our cardio going with constant movement, which was achieved in the 7 minutes of time, at the expense of more reps. We’re off to a great start. At least we recited the Pledge correctly before moseying to the park.

The Thang:

We arrived at the main picnic shelter near the turd shack. We needed the tables for the first part of the weinke which was the favorite Dora. We paired off from our even number of 12, where partner 1 would run a short distance to the light pole in the center of the parking lot. Partner 2 would perform the following exercises to contribute to the aggregate total:

• Dips – 100
• Incline merkins – 200 (Omaha to 150)
• Decline Peter Parkers – 300 (Omaha to 200)

Based on the challenge to complete the warm-up, I was a little worried directions could be followed. The PAX got after it with little banter. Monitoring the time and my own challenge, I waived the white flag to decrease the incline merkins and decline peter parkers. Upon conclusion T-Square and Easy Rider provided 10 counts to catch our breath.

As if our arms and shoulders needed more work, we slow meandered to the turd shack. My weinke was scripted Friday afternoon in attempt to distract me from working, or maybe that was my ADD kicking in (…squirrel!). I didn’t realize Bulldog would try to fulfill his yearly quota of Mike Tyson’s on Saturday so there they were, in black and white on my sweat-soaked script. I modified from 15 to 10. Actually I modified all exercises to 10 because my PAX were unlikely to grasp the concept of escalating reps. We leveraged the brick wall for the following OYO:

• Donkey Kicks x 10
• Mike Tysons x 10
• Hip Slappers x 10 (that is 5 each hip slap if you’re scoring at home)
• Run to the picnic shelter, perform Bulgarian Squats, 10 each leg
• Rinse/repeat after a few 10 counts

With about 15 minutes remaining, we slow meandered to the field/parking lot bordered by the big rocks. For this segment, I had posted stakes in the ground with instructions – surely the PAX were alert by this point and could follow the signs. We’ll soon see. The space was separated into thirds about 20 yards apart. The first section would be a walk, migrating to a jog, and finally to sprint the final third. Props to Defib for pushing the team in sprints. Upon arriving in the end-zone there were three exercises to be completed, all at 10 reps each (either single count or by counting the right side only, clear as mud, right?)

Fortunately our PAX only had one right side and I think they used all fingers to count the 10 suggested reps. Turtleman, who is learning the art of mumble chatter quite well asked “how much longer?” Well as any good instructor would do in that situation, I took the hint the little completed to that point was not enough, so the routine was extended. My guess was we completed about six or seven rounds before it was time to collect the signs and jog home. Upon our return to the parking lot, my watch displayed 6:12 leaving a few minutes to keep Mary happy. I introduced a few ab burners to make the effort complete:

• Fifer Scissor Punch (flat on back, with right leg at 90 degrees, punch left fist toward foot, then repeat with opposite appendages) – in cadence for 10
• Leg Lift Clap (in sit-up position, raise right leg and clap underneath, then left leg to clap underneath) – in cadence for a 16 count, trying to exhaust the PAX – it worked for a few of them…
• Burps (aka in and outs) – in cadence for a 16 count….and TIME!

Moleskin:

Giving and following instructions is a challenge, whether it occurs at home, workplace, or parking lot at 0530. We worked through a bit of adversity but in the end our simple goals were met: gather as brothers and push ourselves mentally and physically, trying to get better. The mumble chatter was a little light, but nothing wrong with that. I take that as a positive sign where everyone has their heads down to get the job done. Announcements: Speed for Need/Christmastown 5k – sign up and let Tool Time know. We lifted prayers for Easy Rider’s brother, preparing for neck surgery and T-Square and family traveling along their journey of healing. YHC took us out in prayer. As always, an honor to be a part of the PAX and offer directional suggestions that may or may not be followed exactly as planned. Better than fartsacking, at least.