The Love Dare starts with a secret.  And though it’s been an unspoken element throughout each day, you’ve likely grown more and more suspicious of it all the time.  Now that you’re this far, it’s a secret you’re discovering for yourself, even if you haven’t exactly known how to put it into words.

The secret is this:  you cannot manufacture unconditional love (oragape love) out of your own heart.  It’s impossible.  It’s beyond your capabilities.  It’s beyond all our capabilities.

You may have demonstrated kindness and unselfishness in some form, and you may have learned to be more thoughtful and considerate.  But sincerely loving someone unselfishly and unconditionally is another matter altogether.

So how can you do it?  Like it or not, agape love isn’t something you can do.  It’s something only God can do.  But because of His great love for you—and His love for your spouse—He chooses to express His love through you.

Still, you may not believe that.  You may be convinced that with enough hard work and commitment, you can muster up unconditional, long-term, sacrificial love from your own heart. You want to believe it’s in you.

But how many times has your love failed to keep you from lying, from lusting, from overreacting, from thinking evil of this person you’ve vowed before God to love for the rest of your life.

How many times has your love proven incapable of controlling your anger?  How many times has your love motivated you to forgive or brought about a peaceable end to an ongoing argument?

It’s this failure that exposes mankind’s sinful condition.  We’ve all fallen short of God’s commands (Romans 3:23).  We’ve all demonstrated selfishness, hatred, and pride.  And unless something is done to cleanse us of these ungodly attributes, we will stand before God guilty as charged (Romans 6:23).  That’s why if you’re not right with God, you can’t truly love your spouse because He is the Source of that love.

You can’t give what you don’t have.  You can’t call up inner reserves and resources that aren’t there to be summoned.  In the same way that you can’t give away a million dollars if you don’t have it to start with, you cannot pay out love in greater measure than you own.  You can try, but you will fail.

So the hard news is this:  love that is able to withstand every pressure is out of your reach, as long as you’re only looking within yourself to find it.  You need someone who can give you that kind of love.

“Love is from God” (I John 4:7).  And only those who have allowed Him into their heart through faith in His Son, Jesus—only those who have received the Spirit of Christ through belief in His death and resurrection—are able to tap into love’s real power. “Apart from me,” Jesus said, “you can do nothing” (John 15:5).

But He also said, “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you” (John 15:7). God has promised through Christ to dwell in your heart through faith so that you can “know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:19 NKJV).

When you surrender yourself to Christ, His power can work through you.  Even at your very best, you are not able to live up to God’s standards.  But He “is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us” (Ephesians 3:20). That’s how you love your spouse.

So, this unsettling secret—as defeating as it may feel—has a happy ending for those who will stop resisting and will receive the love God has for them.  This means that the love He has “poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us” (Romans 5:5) is always available, every time we choose to submit to it.

You simply won’t be able to do it without Him.

Perhaps you’ve never given our heart to Christ, but you sense Him drawing you today.  You may be realizing for the first time that you, too, have broken God’s commands, and that your guilt will keep you from knowing Him.  But Scripture says that if you repent by turning away from your sin and turning to God, He is willing to forgive you because of the sacrifice his Son made on the cross.  He is pursuing you, not to enslave you but to free you, so you can receive His love and forgiveness.  Then you can share it with the one you’ve been called most specifically to love.

Perhaps you’re already a believer, but you would admit that you have walked away from fellowship with God.  You’re not in the Word, you’re not in prayer, maybe you’re not even in church anymore.  The love you used to feel coursing through your veins has dwindled into apathy.

The truth is, you can’t live without Him and you can’t love without Him.  But there is no telling what He could do in your marriage if you put your trust in Him.

Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.

–I John 4:7

Today’s Dare

Look back over the dares from the previous days.  Were there some that seemed impossible to you?  Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love?  Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.

The light rain and mist didn’t stop 3 HIMs from getting some werk this morning. Some ran, some rucked. It was great to see Roundup and Hacksaw out there this morning!

YHC took us out in prayer

Keep an eye out for a P200 pre-blast in the next few days.

-Montross

I’m sure that something like this already exists, but the unicorn as I named it was simply because I wrote this beatdown down on some of my daughter’s unicorn paper.  Being a dad is awesome… I digress.  This thing kinda sucked.  Oh and someone, HIPAA, decided sleep is not important and put out a call for an EC ruck to leave at 4:30…I did not make that, but Watts Up and I did make the 5 o’clock loop with HIPAA.  We got in close to 2 miles (HIPAA 4).  The Unicorn:

Starting line:  (kettlebell was carried to each line with the jumps) 5 Broad jumps to line 2 where we did 20 Squats and 10 Burpees…5 Broad jumps to next line, 20 Squats, 20 Curls, 10 Burpees…5 Broad jumps to next line…20 Squats, 20 curls, 20 upright rows, 10 Burpees…5 Broad jumps to next line…20 Squats, 20 Curls, 20 Upright rows, 20 Cam Newtons, 10 Burpees…5 Broad jumps to next line…you guessed it…20 Squats, 20 Curls, 20 Upright rows, 20 Cam Newtons, 20 Chest press, and…10 Burpees…  We did an Outhouse inspired Indian (Kettlebell over your head carry) walk around the parking lot and then ended with PAX choice Mary.  Awesome job today men.

Announcements:  Chili cook off, Christmas town 5K,

Prayer Requests:  DryRub’s Step Dad and Son’s sinus surgery, WattsUp’s Son

YHC took us out…Honor to lead

Planning for this beatdown began a little later than I would have like for it to have begun, but the weather was a factor.  I had heard that it was going to be “pouring” this particular morning and those that know me, know that I really don’t like working out in the rain.  With that said, I tailored the beatdown under the awning, in the dry…  Here ‘s what we did not to get wet, but ened up getting wet anyway haha.

Pledge

Disclaimer, No FNGs

Warm up:  20 SSH IC, 10 Grasspickers (I never pick this, but I did the day that Whoopee graces us with his presence I truly had this written down…he doesn’t believe in the grasshopper!!!, 15 Imperial Walkers IC, 20 Merkins OYO.

Station work:  DRY…AMRAP 1 minute (tabatas or something like that I’m informed)

Dips, One arm Kettlebell Swings, Curls with alternating grips through the rounds, Cam Newtons, Lateral Clean and Press, Incline Merkins or Durkins, Step-ups, Squat and Press…

We did a bunch of rounds of this and ended with some Mary, PAX choice

Great work men!!! Nice to see Bandit, Goose, and Hunk-a-junk out this morning

Prayer requests:  WattsUp’s son, Timeframes family

YHC took us out

It was a morning to get out and get some work done. We heard stories from Sparky’s awesome half marathon run. There were  some stories YHC didn’t care to hear, but that is Folsom. No filters…

The Thang

• Mosey around lower lot and met up and the amphitheater
  • Moroccan night clubs as we wait for Sparky to catch up
  • 15 Australian Mountain Climbers
  • 15 Rocky Balboas
  • 15 Hip Slappers
  • 15 Dips
• Mosey to baseball field lot
  • 5 Squats and adding 5 more at each parking spot the length of the lot
  • Lunge walk back
• Mosey to soccer field
  • 5 Bobby Hurley’s and adding five at each parking spot
• Mosey to Intersection
  • Nur up hill
  • Karaoke to the light post
• Mosey to flag
  • 15 LBC’s
  • 15 Big Boys
  • Monkey Humpers as the early guys leave
• Mosey back down to lower lot
  • Stopping along the way for some Hillbilly Squats, LBC’s. Big Boys,  and a variety of other exercises
• Mosey around the lower lot and back to base.
• 22 for the Troops

We finished up with COT and prayers for the PAX. Prayer to all spoken and unspoken needs and we spoke of all the challenges out there.  Do them they will nothing but benefit you.

Big Pappy

For months, we had been waiting for the day. Medicine Woman, a man who we thought had sworn off running about 42 years ago, had been training for months, was looking kind of soccer-armish. Sargento, the Girazelle, had been so confident in his skillz that he ran a total of 8 miles in the 6 weeks leading up to the date, wasn’t looking soccer arm-ish but was willing to push the rock. The Silver Fox had his game face on. We were READY for Oct 25th, the TUNA 200!

Due to our “fleetness of feet,” we had secured a later start time of 815. We planned to meet at

345 in order to head out at 4. Starting off the morning right, Hushpuppy decided stroll in at 3:58 with CPAP machine strap marks still visible.  Great start men!!!!

20 minutes into the drive, POTTY BREAK (Sargento and Hushpuppy have bladders the size of pistachios, BTW)!! Eventually, we made it to the starting location with 30 minutes to spare. Termite was so amped up for his initial run he DECIDED TO RUN A MILE before his 5.5. mile leg. (Idiot!!)On the more intelligent side, however, he decided to start at the back of the pack in order to quickly sprint past several people in order to inflate his kill ratio.  The first 4 legs went off without too many issues, other than Termite complaining about everything and everyone else complaining about the gnats. At leg 5, Omaha!!! Sargento was supposed to run 9, however, due to his relative lack of training as mentioned above, it was felt that 9 miles may not be wise. Hushpuppy and Quicke stepped in. Hushpuppy covered the final 3 miles for him, setting a personal record for fastest mile!! Qik$ finished leg 6 after his EC on leg 5 and we met up with Van 2.

After saying good-bye to Van 2, we went to eat at White Swan BBQ somewhere in the middle of nowhere Eastern NC. It didn’t matter that there was more grease than actual meat in the meal, we were too hungry to notice. We then went ahead to what we thought was the exchange zone for some well deservedR&R. pQuise was the navigator for this part of the trip, and we were there in a jiffy. About 40 minutes before Termite was supposed to run, Sargento made the comment “I think we are in the wrong place!” After some confusion amongst ourselves and even the race officials, we went back 20 minutes to the actual exchange zone. Keesh was not allowed to sit up front for the rest of the trip.

Because of all the confusion, Termite started complaining again. He was all stretched out and then he had to get in the vanand he tightened up again (not to self, do not get old, or if you do, please do not be like Termite!). So many high points, but I think the most impressive was that Slaw became even more of a big deal than Boudin. If you want to know the story, ask Slaw, Erica, or Anne. Medicine also was referred to as a “knight in shining armor” by one of the many women who we ran with. Finally, Sargento may have used some “booger sugar” and ran a sub 7:15 average for a 4.16 mile leg! On the downside of this group of runs, MW pulled a calf, got chicked, and had a dog chase him. Qu#(%e’ got dicked. He doesn’t want to talk about it.

Handoff to Van 2 at about 1230 AM, ready for some more R&R at Pink Hill Elementary. Note to future groups: when you hand off at an exchange zone in the Tuna 200, it is smarter to stay at the old exchange zone for sleep instead of moving to the next and more crowded one.

Met with Van 2 to exchange again at about 430 AM. Termite was complaining and worrying about being late for the exchange. We struggled but made it through. Highlights included eating more greasy food, watching the sunrise over Piggly Wiggly, SlawBag becoming SlawDOG (we have pitcuresto prove it), DL dropping a “S-bomb” due to having to run up a bunny hill at the end of his last leg, and finishing!! Low point points were eating more greasy food, MW getting chicked again, Hushpuppy running over a ballard (metal post), and DL almost missing a handoff from Slaw. The after-race party include a fair amount of “rehydration” by several members while waiting for van 2 to finish.

All in all, an amazing group of guys and an amazing run. It was awesome to see men like MW for pushing himself past what they thought they could ever do. Sargento, for pushing through the lack of training, being an optimistic, steady rock for the group, and teaching us to sing any stupid phrase that was spoken by anyone, anywhere. Termite, 59 years old, averaging 9 minute miles, and then getting up the morning after and running 4 miles (he complained he was too tight and needed to loosen up)!! SlawDOG, for being a true HIM gentleman and running with the women in the middle of the night. Hushpuppy, for stepping up and driving, running, and setting PRs. DL, HAPPY BIRTHDAY and amazing job legging out 20.3 miles at 54.99 years old! Quiche’, for showing the group that you can take 4 naps in one day, make soccer arms sexy, and make up for ATand the rest of Van 1 running their mouths faster than their legs.

Thanks for the memories HIMs,

Van 1

P.S. If you think this is too long, keep your criticistic comments to yourself!

Van two decided we would be meet at Freight’s house at 07:30 on Friday.  YHC arrives to find Broke already waiting.   Breaker Breaker rolls in, Doodles comes in with the Van, Tater Hole is dropped off by his M, Freight makes his way out.  At 07:30… I mean 07:50 Allen Tate decides to grace us with his presence.   We pack up the van, which was rollin’ on dubs.   After Doodles lead us in prayer – we’re on the road.

Traffic was much better than any of us expected.   We stopped and had breakfast at Cracker Barrel.   When the waitress comes to take our drink order, Broke is sitting there with his pants down messing with some thangs.   Apparently impressed, the waitress returns with our drinks, but three other ladies had joined her.   We learned a lot of thinks during breakfast.   We learned that Freight has had a lot of interesting jobs.   We learned the best way to kill cockroaches in by baking them at 450 degrees in the oven.   We learned that Tater Hole loves to eat.   I’m pretty sure his bill was 39 dollars.  We pay and we are back on the road.

Good conversation was had on the ride down.   We arrive into Four Oaks and everyone is pumped.   Freight was the first to run out of Van 2.  As he departs on his 9 mile run, we notice it is WAY to hot to be late October.  But in typical Freight fashion, he pimp-slapped this run.   He finished his run and turned it over to Allen Tate.

Allen Tate takes off for about a 4 mile run.  It’s hot.  There is zero shade.   We catch up to him as he’s about a mile in.  He’s hurting and it shows.   He lumbers his way to the exchange zone and passes off to Broke.

Broke did what Broke does.   He donkey punched his leg.  Seriously – is there anyone more steady on his runs than this man?

Tater Hole was next.   This was his first relay and didn’t know what to expect.   This is a guy that was in good shape when he joined F3, but would admit his cardio was down.   He’s worked, and he’s worked hard.   It showed.   He blazed on down the road to pass off to another first-timer.

Doodles was next.  I don’t think I’ve ever met a cooler preacher.  He brought us a van with Moto Metal black wheels on it.  He even has an affinity for silver-back gorillas.  (More on this in a bit).

Breaker Breaker was our anchor.   He’s a rather quiet person and YHC made it his mission to get him to be louder on this trip.  You want to fire him up?   Act like you’re going to drink his drink.  (More on this later also).

Van 2 finished and handed back off to Van1.  We took off to Subway to eat and then try to get some rest.  We go in and we’re about the only people there.  Allen Tate apparently likes gubment cheese on his sub.   Tater Hole like EVERYTHING they have on his sub.  But instead of just saying to put everything on it, he made the poor guy go one by one.  We even saw the guy that passed Doodles.

Ok.  We ate and went ahead to the next exchange zone we’d run and tried to get a little rest.   I also learned this about Tater Hole – dude can sleep anywhere.  Pretty sure he and Allen Tate are the only ones to get any meaningful rest at this point.

We got up just before midnight ready to roll.   We went through our van again.   Freight was happier it was dark and not blistering hot.  Allen Tate got him a kill and made sure EVERYONE knew about it.  No seriously… everyone.  Even the guy he passed.  Broke once again did Broke thangs.  Tater Hole, Doodles and Breaker Breaker beasted theirs legs and again, we we’re on break.

The Van decided to forego breakfast and just roll ahead to where we’d kick off again.

Our third legs were a little different.  Freight took Quiche’s leg, Quiche ran Freight’s.   Allen Tate took off for his last run.   We catch up to him a little bit down the road.  We blow the horn, and while we did, he was killed.   The guy who killed him looked back at him and then waved to our van.   If Allen Tate could have caught him I’m sure he would have beat his eyes shut.  We’re at the exchange zone and Broke is getting ready.   We wait on Allen Tate to roll in.   And we wait.   And then we waited.   After we waited… we waited some more.  At this point YHC is starting to wonder if Allen Tate jumped off the bridge.  About that time he rounds the corner and Broke went to meet him.   While waiting Broke said he would dial it back a little on the last run.  Well… he didn’t.  He averaged pretty much the same time for this run as he did for the other two.   I’m telling you – consistent.

Broke is in and Tater Hole is out.   While not as pumped as he was after the second run, Tater has the look like a kid on Christmas.   He’s really enjoying himself.

While waiting on Tater, Doodles takes his long sleeve shirt and turns it into a tank-top turtleneck.  It’s also at this point Breaker drinks his special drink.

Doodles takes off and is letting it eat.  We pass him and according to Allen Tate tells us he’s fine.   We went ahead and stopped anyway just in case.   Doodles gets him a little H2O and continues on.

Doodles is in and Breaker Breaker is out for his glory leg.  The man did a great job of organizing this race and deserved to be the man to bring it home.  Powered by his special drink he’s out there killing it.   We wait and bit and Allen Tate and I return to the van to grab The Leg.   This race would not be complete without it.   We return with The Leg just in time to see Breaker approaching and we all cross the finish line together.

Some got one medal – some got two.  Some were incredibly proud of that second medal.

We all congregate, eat a little tuna and drink some cold beer.

We went to the hotel.  Some showered, some went to the pool.   We went to dinner.   Some went back to the hotel, some went to a brewery.

Random thoughts

Freight:  this guy always wants to act like he ain’t a runner, but his actions show otherwise.  He’s as sarcastic as the day is long, and that’s probably why he’s one of my favorite people.   Through his sarcasm, however, it’s clear that he just wants the best for those around him.

Allen Tate: so many things I could write here.   As a side note, y’all should have seen him get killed.  Anyway – this is his second relay and he has a total of 31 minutes of training.  He may not train, but he will not quit.  He has good intentions, but some injuries prohibited him from being at his best for the Tuna – but he gave it all he had.

Broke: I don’t have enough time to write all my thoughts about this man.   He’s like the Godfather.  The force that keeps all things balanced.  A steady runner and a better person.  Always encouraging.   The reaction he has watching other people do good things is infectious.

Tater Hole: probably one of my favorite memories of this relay is watching his reaction after his second run.  Dude was pumped.   Glad to see what he accomplished.

Doodles: first time I had spent any significant time around him, and goodness gracious, what a guy.  A small sample of his character.   He’s waiting to run when an older gentleman (shirtless and hairy), told him: “I’m going to hang with you for a while and then I’m going to pass you”.  Most laughed.   Well, that’s what he did.  He killed Doodles.   After his run and while we’re back in the van, the guy comes over and states in his thick accent: “You did good, son”.  Most people would have probably said something sarcastic…or nothing at all.   Not Doodles.  Without missing a beat he responded: “You did better, sir”.  More grace than YHC has for sure.

Breaker Breaker:  Oh man.   Captain Anchor.  Glory Leg runner.   Mystery drink chugger.  So on leg two I went to get Tater Hole a water from the cooler but it’s dark.  I can only tell that the drink I grabbed wasn’t water.   Didn’t think anything about and returned it for a water.   A few hours later in the daylight I could tell that this was no normal drink.  The only way I can describe it (at least safely for this back blast) is to say it looked like a bottle of phallus secretion.  And boy was he protective of this drink.  Anyway.  What a great dude.  Quiet, but I’m going to break him completely out of that shell one day.   He ran along and was the only one that I didn’t hear complain.

So many more memories can be written, but most will not read all of this anyway.  If you’ve never participated… you’re missing out.   Even if you can’t run, you can drive.  It’s an experience like no other.

Honored that the men mentioned above allowed me to join them this weekend.   Tater Hole – I finally have some bars.

Huckleberry

We enjoy discovering as much as we can about the things we truly care about.  If it’s our favorite football team, we’ll read any article that helps us keep up with how they’re doing.  If it’s cooking, we’ll tune to those channels that share the best grilling techniques or dessert recipes.  If there’s a subject that appeals to us, we’ll take notice any time it comes up.  In fact, it’s often like an area of personal study.

It’s fine, of course, to have outside interests and to be knowledgeable about certain things.  But this is where love would ask the question, “How much do you know about our mate?

Think back to the days when you were courting.  Didn’t you study the one your heart was yearning for?

When a man is trying to win the heart of a woman, he studies her. He learns her likes, dislikes, habits, and hobbies.  But after he wins her heart and marries her, he often stops learning about her. The mystery and challenge of knowing her seems less intriguing, and he finds his interests drifting to other areas.

This is also true in many cases for women, who start off admiring and building respect for the man they desire to be with.  But after marriage, those feelings begin to fade as reality reveals that her “prince” is a flawed and imperfect man.

Yet there are still hidden things to discover about your spouse. And this understanding will help draw you closer together.  It can even give you favor in the eyes of your mate.  “Good understanding produces favor” (Proverbs 13:15).

Consider the following perspective: if the amount you studied your spouse before marriage were equal to a high school diploma, then you should continue to learn about your mate until you gain a “college degree,” a “master’s degree,” and ultimately a “doctorate degree.”  Think of it as a lifelong journey that draws your heart ever closer to your mate.

• Do you know his or her greatest hopes and dreams?
• Do you fully understand how they prefer to give and receive love?
• Do you know what your spouse’s greatest fears are and why they struggle with them?

Some of the problems you have in relating to your spouse are simply because you don’t understand them.  They probably react very differently to certain situations than you do, and you can’t figure out why?

These differences – even the ones that are relatively insignificant – can be the cause of many fights and conflicts in your marriage. That’s because, as the Bible says, we tend to “revile” those things we don’t understand (Jude 10).

There are reasons for his or her tastes and preferences.  Each nuance in your spouse’s character has a back story.  Each element of who he is, how he thinks, and what he’s like is couched in a set of guiding principles, which often makes sense only to the person who holds them.  But it’s worth the time it will take to study why they are the way they are.

If you missed the level of intimacy you once shared with your spouse, one of the best ways to unlock their heart again is by making a commitment to know them. Study them.  Read them like a book you’re trying to understand.

Ask questions.  The Bible says, “The ear of the wise seeks knowledge” (Proverbs 18:15).  Love takes the initiative to begin conversations.  In order to get your mate to open up, they need to know that your desire for understanding them is real and genuine.

Listen: “Wise men store up knowledge, but with the mouth of the foolish, ruin is at hand” (Proverbs 10:14).  The goal of understanding your mate is to hear them, not to tell them what you think.  Even if your spouse is not very talkative, love calls you to draw out the “deep water” that dwells within them (Proverbs 20:5).

Ask God for discernment.  “The Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding” (Proverbs 2:6). Things like gender differences, family backgrounds, and varied life experiences can cloud your ability to know your mate’s heart and motivations.  But God is a giver of wisdom.  The Lord will show you what you need in order to know how to love your spouse better.

“By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches” (Proverbs 24:3-4).  There is a depth of beauty and meaning inside your wife or husband that will amaze you as you discover more of it.  Enter the mystery with expectation and enthusiasm.  Desire to know this person even better than you do now.  Make him or her your chosen field of study, and you will fill your home with the kind of riches only love can provide.

How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding.

– Proverbs 3:13

Today’s Dare

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you.  The dinner can be as nice as you prefer.  Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about.  Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

You can be close to a good friend you’ve known since childhood or college days.  You can be close to a sibling, your parents, or a cousin who’s about your same age.  But nothing rivals the closeness that’s experienced between a husband and wife. Marriage is the most intimate of all human relationships.

That’s why we need it so much.  Each of us comes into life with an inborn hunger to be known, love, and accepted.  We want people to know your name, to recognize us when they see us, and to value who we are. The prospect of sharing our home with another person who knows us down to the most intimate detail is part of the deep pleasure of marriage.

Yet this great blessing is also the site of its greatest danger. Someone who knows us this intimately can either love us at a depth we never imagined, or can wound us in ways we may never fully recover from.  It’s both the fire and the fear of marriage.

Which of these are you experiencing the most in your home right now?  Are the secrets your spouse knows about you reasons for shame, or reason for drawing you closer?  If your spouse were to answer this same question, would they say you make them feel safe, or scared?

If home is not considered a place of safety, you will both be tempted to seek it somewhere else.  Perhaps you might look to another person initiating a relationship that either flirts with adultery or actually enters in.  You may look for comfort in work or outside hobbies, something that partially shields you from intimacy but also keeps you around people who respect and accept you.

Your mate should not feel pressured to be perfect in order to receive your approval.  They should not walk on eggshells in the very place where they ought to feel the most comfortable in their bare feet.  The Bible says, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18).  The atmosphere in your marriage should be one of freedom.  Like Adam and Eve in the garden, your closeness should only intensify your intimacy.  Being “naked” and “not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25) should exist in the same sentence, right in your marriage – physically and emotionally.

Admittedly, this is tender territory.  Marriage has unloaded another person’s baggage into your life, and yours into theirs. Both of you have reason to feel embarrassed that this much has been revealed about you to another living soul.  But this is your opportunity to wrap all this private information about them in the protective embrace of your love, and promise to be the one who can best help him or her deal with it.

Some of these secrets may need correcting.  Therefore, you can be an agent of healing and repair – not by lecturing, not by criticizing, but by listening in love and offering support.

Some of these secrets just need to be accepted.  They are part of this person’s make-up and history.  And though these issues may not be very pleasant to deal with, they will always require a gentle touch.

In either case, you and you alone wield the power either to reject your spouse because of this or to welcome them in – warts and all.  They will either know they’re in a place of safety where they are free to make mistakes, or they will recoil into themselves and be lost to you, perhaps forever.  Loving them well should be your life’s work.

Think of it this way.  No one knows you better than God does, the One who made you.  The writer of Psalm 139 was right when he said, “You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar.  You scrutinize my path and my lying down, and are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, behold, O Lord, You know it all” (Psalm 139:2-4).

And yet God, who knows secrets about us that we even hide from ourselves, loves us at a depth we cannot begin to fathom.  How much more should we – as imperfect people – reach out to our spouse in grace and understanding, accepting them for who they are and assuring them that their secrets are safe with us?

This may be an area where you’ve really failed in the past. If so, don’t expect your mate to immediately give you wide-open access to their heart.  You must begin to rebuild trust.  Jesus Himself is described as One who doesn’t barge into people’s lives but who stands at the door and knocks.  “If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and I will dine with him, and he with Me” (Revelation 3:20).

The reality of intimacy always takes time to develop, especially after being compromised.  But your commitment to re-establishing it can happen today – for anyone willing to take the dare.

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.

– Proverbs 17:9 NIV

Today’s Dare

Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them.  Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues.  Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you.  Make them feel safe.