It was a great day to be at the ballpark, and 48 of the best benchwarmers we had to offer descended on the swanky FUSE Ballpark in downtown Gastonia to rub our stink all over it. Here’s what I remember:
Roscoe warmed us up with a nod to this week’s IPC workout:
- 10 x SSH (IC)
- 10 x Burpees (OYO)
- 10 x Jillian Michaels (OYO – a donkey kick/high knees jump hybrid)
- Mosey to a foul pole
- 10 x No Cheat Merkins (OYO – or as they’re known in our region – Perfect Form Merkins)
- Mosey to the other foul pole
Count off 1-4 and separate into teams. YHC took the handoff and barked instructions for what seemed like the rest of the 50 minutes. By the end, my voice was shot. Don’t worry it wasn’t TOO complicated.
The game was Kickball. The rules were simple. No bunting. No stealing bases. 5 run Mercy Rule. No umpire. 1 inning games. Ties broken by Dizzy Bat (10 x around the bat, run to 1st/3rd and back to home, first one back wins).
Teams that weren’t playing did one of 3 workouts in the outfield:
LF – Elevens
- Perfect Form Merkins & Bonnie Blairs
CF – Kettlebell Circuit
- 10 x Thrusters
- 15 x Curls
- 50 x Jump Ropes
- 15 x Big Boys
- 15 x American Hammers
- 20 x Tricep Extensions
- 20 x Kettlebell Swings
RF – Rack & Stack Suicides
- Run to cone to exercise, run back, stack exercises
- 10 x Burpees
- 10 x Nolan Ryans (L & R)
- 30 x Flutter Kicks (Count Left Side Only)
- 40 x Monkey Humpers
Second rounds were planned for some of these, but here’s guessing no one got to them. I could also list all the teams here, but I’m sure the details would be too much for most, so I’ll spare them.
The first game ended in a thrilling scoreless tie, so it came down to Dizzy Bat. Up for Team 1 was the FNG, a good way to break in a new guy. Nobody from Team 2 wanted a piece of the new guy, so Buckshot took one for the team. Buckshot got out to an early lead, but the new guy was young and was making up ground on every stride – until he decided to slide headfirst into home. Premature sliding happens to the best of us, no matter how much we try to prevent it. From now on, he will be referred to in The Gloom as “Faceplant”. The Nantan’s team survived.
Between innings during the changeover, we had our own intermission contests, with “Beat the Belt” being our spin on the Braves famous Freeze race. Up first, we had Tesla with a 10 second head start against the newly crowned champ – Maybelline. Tesla put a wrinkle in the game when he decided the fastest way to the foul pole was directly across the field, with no regard to the warning track path. It took most of the trip, but Maybelline caught him, and The Belt showed his speed.
Game 2 resulted in a scoreless top half of the first inning, with the People’s Elbow delivering a stellar pitching performance. In the bottom half, we had our first runs and a 3-0 victory for YHCs team. So the Qs would square off head to head in the championship.
The second Freeze run featured Watts Up against JJ. Watts Up took full advantage of his head start and delivered a convincing victory. The results have been disputed however, as JJ was practically Tonya Harding’d before given the opportunity to run.
For the championship game, rules were changed to allow both teams to allow all their players a chance to kick. One full time through the order, with the inning over with an out or when the last batter stopped running. Roscoe’s team put together 4 late runs to give them a shot, but by that time, YHC’s team had gotten wise to the game. With a dream team of semi-pro athletes, we won by walkoff when JJ booted one to the outfield and trotted it out like Kirk Gibson, driving in Hunchback for the winning run.
Whoopee and Quixkie were up in the Freeze race, and the head start, while shortened, was still too long. The race was over by center field, with Whoopee showboating every step of the second half in a way that would make Coach Prime proud.
In all honesty, the most tense game was the last one, with the losers of the first two games squaring off. Team 1 loaded the bases for Whoopee who squared one up and drove it right at Nutria, who is as sure handed as any PAX and Team 2 escaped the jam. The bottom half of the inning featured the highlight of the day as a weak ground ball to the third base side by Mr. Meek, the one and only Dr. Seuss, turned into the most vicious hit delivered on the day. A great play in the infield and a throw to first resulted in Montross getting absolutely flattened by Dr. Seuss. As Montross picked his teeth up, Seuss stepped on first, and in spite of being hit with the ball no fewer than 3 times, ended up being ruled safe. No one wanted to mess with Seuss after that hit. With 2 outs, Watts Up fouled twice, and Team 1 seemed content to let the game end a tie, but where YHC comes from, 3 strikes is an out, so with his extra chance, Watts Up grounded it to Maybelline, who apparently thinks he can hose a guy from third base with a bulky dodgeball, and this throw led to Seuss running on to third where a good throw almost got him, but Maybelline missed again, and Seuss rounded the base and headed home. Ballgame. Seuss got out 7 times and scored the winning run on the same play. Show to Know.
With the time we had left, we ran bases, running out a single, double and home run. And that was that.
Announcements:
- Tuna team needs 1
- Mama’s Boy VQ tomorrow
- Ruck CSAUP in October – Preblast coming soon
- 2nd F Lunch 9/20 @ Pita Wheel Gastonia
Prayer Requests:
- Huckleberry
- Turtleman
- Norwood
- Wirenut
- Jackson Hall
- Montross’s cousin
- Sargento’s family
- Tesla’s son
- Watt’s Up’s family (Charlie)
- Quattro’s sister
Moleskin:
I miss baseball. Not even the games, just practice. I miss throwing BP, hitting BP, taking ground balls, throwing pop flys as high as I can throw them. Just having a chance to get out on the field and play catch today was great.
Yet what strikes me is that when I think about the good times, they’re not all from my youth. As part of F3 Gastonia, I’ve pushed trucks and chased racquetballs, run stupid trails and stupid hills, won (and lost) a title belt, and ran a marathon. I’ve also done so many other things with so many of y’all and am so grateful for all of it. The coolest thing is that we’re not dead yet, so there’s still a lot of memories to make and a lot of chapters to write. And while this isn’t the only place that we should be making those memories, to learn to live in The Gloom is also to learn to live outside of it.
A huge shout out to Sledge and Hunchback for making the day possible. I really should have given them a nod in COT for their efforts, because without them, none of this happens. Also a shout out to Roscoe and JJ for helping with the plan and the events. My mind was somewhere completely different and a lot more painful until JJ and Roscoe started talking about kickball. It always seems like the best plans come together as a result of many hands. Finally, huge thanks to Balljoint for setting up the Coffeeteria at Firestone Grill (not to be confused with Flintstone Grill) and bringing water to the field.
Oh, and to Team 3. These legends of the diamond and hall-of-famers in their own minds and the minds of those who witnessed their kickball excellence on one fine day in September took it to the other teams and left no doubt who was the greatest team ever assembled on that field:
- Sargento
- Quiche
- Hunchback
- Freon
- Gumby
- Blueprint
- JJ
- Eh Yall
- Balljoint
- Tooth Fairy
- J2C
- Flintstone
Grateful for the opportunity to lead today, and for all of you who continue to make each other better.
Yabba Dabba Doo