4 FNG’s

1 PAX posted at Crossroads at 6:30 on Sunday. YHC arrived to a parking lot full of cars but no PAX in sight. There were 4 FNG’s that walked up so I told them it didn’t look like this AO existed and they should probably leave and go to SOGA for the Coconut Horse. By the way I was not the Q and no Q showed up. This is not the first time this has happened to me at Crossroads! The last time I was told I gave everyone  a tongue lashing but I don’t recall it that way. I just reminded everyone that the actual start time is 6:30 and if an FNG came it would be nice if people were there. At the very least the Q needs to be. I can appreciate all the EC people are putting in but there is more to this than our personal gains. Try to circle back for the actual start time. Ok so I fudged a little in the beginning. There was actually 2 PAX. Bedpan was there also but this was a close call. What if he or I didn’t show? That would leave a PAX without any support.

The group decided this BB would be right up my alley(constructive sarcasm and all) so I picked up the Q. This is usually not an issue at any of our AO’s but this was a failure of the Q(if there was one) and the site Q. This is a leadership group guy’s! Lead and fill up the Q sheet. If you need help ask!

Anyway Bedpan and I took off for a run. I’ve been struggling getting my run game back lately and could have used a push or someone to chase. There wasn’t anyone out in front of me so I gave in and stopped shy of 3 miles. I’ve said I’m a recovering sad clown because even though I’ve been doing this for 4 plus years I have to fight with Fat Ricky everyday. He is lazy, likes to eat bad and he will not shut up! They say to get faster you have to run with faster men. Well they weren’t around and Fat Ricky won.

While I do not think that the guy’s weren’t around because they didn’t want to run with me it did get me to thinking and looking inward. I know I have a reputation of being a sarcastic A-hole because….. well I can be. Most of the time it’s just smack talk. I do enjoy the trash talking! I don’t have feelings for the most part so I don’t mind it coming back at me. Truth be told I usually smack talk to the ones I like and respect the most(I’m looking at you SA)! However I’m sure this is a turn off to some people. So I got to wondering who dislikes me because of something I’ve said? Who have I hurt or pissed off or they just don’t care that much for me because of this? Part of me(probably Fat Ricky) wants to say who gives a shit(sorry Leppard) but the other part of me wants to be the bacon. My friends have always been a huge part of my life, I guess mostly due to me having a screwed up family and now most of my friends are people I have meet through F3. So if my attitude is that much of a turn off I would hope someone would correct me with candor. That’s where the shield lock comes in right? So then I started thinking about who my shield lock is. I’m close with some guys and talk to them fairly regularly I suppose but will those guys call me out when needed? I’ve been mulling this over for a few days and while I was thinking about this(struggling with it a bit) a PAX randomly text me and said “hey brother I was thinking of you. Hope you are well. Is there anything I can pray for you”? That message at that moment felt like God talking to me. One of the few times in my life I have felt that. What I heard was you are not alone in your struggles. See I know this PAX cares and I in fact know he will call me out when needed. Whether we realize it or not we all need that in our lives. So thank you for that text Sir! Ok I’m done. All of this is starting to make me feel something.

So in conclusion…..I don’t know. Sorry for the rambling.