In yet another attempt to avoid Gastone running us to a distant location and performing a mix of sumo squats on the return, I employed my Weasel Shaker power and put my name on the schedule to Q Downtown. Thankfully Spiderman appreciated the preemptive gesture. A few months ago, January 13th to be exact, I Q’ed the “Tower of Torment” at this AO, using the parking deck to escalate the exercises among small groups. It didn’t go so well. The only way that format would work is if I nominated a team leader and even then the plan could suffer in execution. I began planning the strategy earlier this week, to keep everyone together to perform four exercises in a Tabata format (30 seconds of exercise/10 seconds of rest between) then running all levels of the deck before returning to the level and to then perform a quick set amid a rest period before moving up. That was the plan at least.
This morning was a mild 70 degrees. I pulled into the parking lot at 05:27, early by my standards. Whoopee was just ahead of me in his pristine F3 red muscle t-shirt. This was one of those sleeveless versions, circa 1980’s model where the arm openings were actually hemmed, unlike our boy Huck that usually rips them out by hand. Lately I’ve noticed Whoopee not wearing a shirt very much and now this full bicep exposure. He could use a bit more time in the sun or tanning bed but he is getting quite comfortable in the gloom. We meander over to a full gathering of men, stretching and exchanging pleasantries. I attempt to do the same but my mind is racing with Q responsibilities like ‘remember the disclaimer, say the pledge, what is my first exercise, and why won’t my blue tooth connect my phone to mini-speaker for a great soundtrack?’ Opps, 05:31, a minute behind already. “Hey, let’s get started…I’m not a professional, I’m suggesting some exercises, do them if you want to or don’t, maybe just stand and watch…”
Pledge
Warm-up
- Moroccan Night Clubs IC x 5
- Toy Soldier IC x 10
- Side to Side Lunge IC x 10
Mosey to the parking deck. Q-pleasure – Gastone typically hustles to the front of the pack on the moseys. So knowing where we were going, I let him go by me just enough that I cut a hard left inside toward the deck that he would have to circle around. I’m sure I’ll pay for that but it brought a brief smile. As fate would have it, a train was heard and that required 5 burpees per man. Slaw’s appetite was moist but not satisfied. There would be more to come. The PAX gathered on the entrance to the parking deck where my blue tooth still failed to connect. I had a great set list planned of 80’s classics (no hair metal if you believe that). Next time I’ll try to get my technology organized: Q Fail #1, it wouldn’t be the last of them. Once the circle was formed, I shared the plan which was met with mocking chatter, customary among this group. The plan was to complete four exercises for 30 seconds then run to the top of the deck; return to the bottom by stairs then we’ll pair off and each do an exercise “like SSH” for 10 single count reps while the other men get their rest in. Then we’ll move to the next level. Trying to explain in a backblast is actually worse than what I attempted in person. Puzzled looks stared back at me as I demoed a few of the newer exercises that I stole from my Insanity videos. The hell with it, “follow me,” I called hitting the timer app on my phone.
Thang:
| Level 1 | Level 2 | Level 3 |
| · SSH
· Dips · Plank walk 2x, Merkin 2x · WWI Sit Ups · Run to the top; return · SSH x 10 |
· Bear Crawl
· Split Jumps (Mario’s) · Donkey Kicks · Michael Phelps · Run to the top; return · Donkey Kicks x 10 |
· Flutter Kicks
· Burps · Am Hammer · Jack Merkins · Run to the top; return · Flutter Kicks x 10 |
| Level 4 | Level 5 | Level 6 |
| · Hip Slappers
· Burpees · Mtn Climbers · Squats · Run to the top; return · Squats x 10 |
· Shoulder tap, plank jack
· Slurpees · Crunchy Frogs · Freddie Mercury · Run to the top; return · Omaha speed set |
· Mike Tysons
· Imperial Walkers (Omaha) · Groiners · Turtle Crunch (Omaha) · Run to the top; return · Omaha speed set |
So the plan kind of caught on after the PAX went through the first cycle. I used my Q authority to tell people when they had to perform the speed set and they graciously complied while some over complied like Roscoe and Whoopie on Level 3’s Flutter Kicks. Fortunately I released an arse bubble as I rose from their sweaty man sandwich. Unfortunately the Gastonia PAX have not learned the difference between single counting a simple exercise like Flutter Kicks. Our 1st F Q needs to get on that, maybe produce a “How To Video.” Counting reps extends to counting parking deck levels as well. I can’t help the City of Gastonia identifies the parking levels as 2 A and 2 B. On my Weinke it was Level 2 and Level 3. I suggest we make new signs. We’re probably the only ones using that deck on a regular basis anyway. So the PAX were moving along nicely until Level 5 where I asked Roscoe to demonstrate his newly created exercise: Slurpees to which he rebuked, saying “those will be demonstrated tomorrow at my Q.” I affirmed that it was my Q today and I’ll order any exercise I want in my jurisdiction. It reminded me of dialogue from a popular movie:
- Justice: This is Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Texas!
- Officer: Texas? You know, of course, that you’re out of your jurisdiction. I suggest that you let my department handle the situation.
- Justice: That’s very comfortin’, but I’m in a high-speed pursuit.
- Officer: Don’t you hear good?
- Justice: I hear perfectly.
- Officer: The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.
- Justice: The ‘G-damn’ Germans got nothin’ to do with itl
- Junior: What?
- Justice: Shut upl One shit at a timel
I’m sure Slaw got this one pretty quick and if you didn’t, do a search for Smokey and The Bandit. It’s probably playing on your television at some point this weekend. In fact, Buford T. Justice may be a big influence why Roscoe decided on a career in law enforcement. Sorry to have digressed. This morning, for my Q, I had Slurpees scheduled. We went with 10 skier lunges (that is 5 per leg if your keeping up with this diatribe) followed by one burpee. Per Roscoe, his official version to be unveiled tomorrow at GasHouse will be 10 skier lunges followed by 10 burpees. You have been forewarned. We arrived at Level 6 for the final round but had less than 2 minutes to go. At this point I had one more forceful squeeze of the toothpaste tube extracting thirty seconds of Mike Tysons and thirty seconds of Groiners (wide pike ups) before Gastone called “Jailbreak” and the PAX bolted to the AO arriving at 06:17. Q Fail again – they seem to keep mounting, but I consider us even for T-Square having ended last week’s Shark Week theme a few minutes early.
COT
Over time, I quickly elicited prayer requests of the following: Hushpuppy – safe travels and recuperation of his ailing knee; Stonecold church family member with a daughter (Reagan) suffering from seizures; Easy Rider’s brother’s upcoming neck surgery; Pockets tweaked something at workout – healing and recovery; Tool Time and his daughter getting married this weekend. Announcements: Whoopee asking PAX to contribute to F3 Nation Give 2 Give campaign. This was shared in the recent newsletter about the expansion efforts. Expanding into other areas requires funding for travel and marketing. F3 is free and consider donating any amount so others in different parts of our country can enjoy the same opportunities as we have since March 2015. If you are posting this weekend, bring cash or follow this link to donate online.
Moleskin
Back to the drawing board: skip the warm-up next time and get right to the Thang. Figure out a way to provide a rest period before moving on (slow mosey to the next level maybe?). Check on technology to get it working earlier and not just before the workout. Check with Roscoe for approval of new exercises he created. A few good things that happened (IMHO): Staying together as a group keeps more mumble chatter going for the benefit of all. Tabata style allows men to push the rock at their pace, while shoulder to shoulder with everyone. Lots of guys shared turns at the front (Easy Rider, Gastone, Slaw, Roscoe, Monk, among others). Stonecold continues to sport the weight vest – so far no one has dared to copy him, yet. Whoopee is a follower and he is into sleeveless garments. Expect him to go shirtless underneath. Today’s workout left little idle time, so the heart rate remained up and more calories were burned, giving Slaw more room for Krispy Kreme’s newest flavor: Reese’s Peanut Butter Doughnuts. I’ll keep working on the blueprints for the Tabata Tower. Hopefully in the near future it can be a staple workout for downtown. Thanks for the opportunity to provide some sort of direction.