The Updated Backwoods Brawl Pre-Blast: The Gashouse 1st Anniversary Celebration

Spring is in the air at Boss Hogg’s place and the flowers are blooming like the azaleas at Augusta National. The Big Leaf Magnolia’s are sprouting from the ground and the manicured fairways…wait a minute….this is the Backwoods Brawl…there are no manicured fairways.

We are less than a week away and here is what you need to know.

Where:  Boss Hogg’s Farm (Less than ten minutes from I-85 Exit 21 Cox Road Gastonia)

When:  April 9^th     Parking starts at 0630 at Ranlo Church of God, 1825 Spencer Mountain Road. Please try to clown car from there for ease of parking at the AO so as to preserve the rustic nature of the farm and not scare the animals.  One of the goats is expecting and we don’t want to induce labor early.  Embrace your inner #minivan Centurion.  I do.

The workout will begin as close to 0700 as possible.  Please be early.  You don’t want to be “that guy” at the gate wanting to get in only to hear the squealing pigs and bleating goats and wondering what the heck is going on in there.  The good news is if you do show up on time you will be in for a beat down.  A few of us did a “dry” run a couple weeks ago and I am not good with distances but the whole thing is probably only about 3/4 of a mile, give or take 3 miles.  When we finish, the refreshmentrama/nightcluborama/dancing/birthing with goats follows on site.  Plan to stay as long as your M will allow, but probably 1100 or 1200 allows you all three F’s. There will be no bible study that morning and no workout at the Schiele but rather 3rd F Q’s throughout the workout, imparting leadership lessons or faith themes.  The 3^rd F leadership lessons and faith Q’s will be Stroganoff, Bandit, T-Square, and Monk.  Our Pain Station Q’s will be Whoopee, Bandit, Stroganoff, Roscoe, and although Dolph can’t make it, we will have some of his toys to play with.  Sharing really is caring.  We will mosey together at a “fellowship pace”.  This is not a race but rather a celebration of all three F’s in one event. No man left behind.

What to bring:  Before you enter the Clown Car, you will want to have a bag packed with a towel or two, a change of shoes/socks, a change of clothes and perhaps some baby ointment for chafing.  There is a slight chance (100%) that you may get wet and sandy.  (Disclaimer forms to be signed at AO).  Refreshments provided but feel free to either donate in the collection jar at coffeerama or bring bananas, granola bars, apples, bottled water, or oat sodas.  Boss Hogg and I have your coffee covered.

There will be a “trail car” packed with a first aid kit, AED, and other safety items and we have doctors and dentists for all your cosmetic touch ups along the way.  Also, Boss Hogg has free firewood available if you need some.

On March 21, 2015, the F3 flag was planted at the Schiele Museum of Natural History.  A Saturday workout at the Schiele has been held every Saturday since with the exception of the F3 5 year anniversary convergence in Charlotte on January 1, 2016.  Additional workouts have been added throughout the course of the year and now there are ten workouts per week over six days and F3 Gastonia is a nomad no more.  The Founders have blessed the Gashouse as a region.

To commemorate the first year, an extended special beat down is in order featuring all the favorite exercises and memorable workouts from the first year.  Boss Hogg, who of course is near and dear to Roscoe’s heart, has generously offered up his farm for this epic celebration on the condition that Roscoe doesn’t call him my “little chubby buddy” like the characters in the tv show.  Imagine warming up with your brothers while in the midst of dogs, chickens, horses and of course goats!

The memories of the first year are many.  It was during Whoopee’s “300” workout, that Whoopee told the PAX that “in the movie “300”, the men in that movie were ripped, and now you will get ripped too!”  (Mumblechatter overheard, “FINALLY!”)

Perhaps it was the Saturday morning forecast of 100% chance of rain and very cold temperatures.  Bandit brought a huge sheet of vapor barrier to the middle school field and Whoopee and Dr. Feelgood stole their M’s dishwasher soap and coated the slip and slide.  After the beat down the PAX took turns sliding away across the field in a wet, soapy mess.  After the workout all the PAX helped Bandit fold up the tarp and attached it to the top of Bandit’s clown car to go to Panera for Coffeerama to combat the certain hypothermia that was setting in.

Maybe it was Bandit having an inquiry about the Goat Island AO on the F3 site.  Hoping it was a potential FNG, he responded with a welcoming introduction of what F3 means and information about the “Goat”.  Little did he know that it was actually a banker from BB&T in Cramerton inquiring as to the muddy footprints on the side of the bank and if they came from our F3 PAX.  This began the first Gashouse fundraiser to pay for the paint job at the bank.  Being a region of high integrity, we passed the hat and made it right.  We missed the opportunity to take photographs of the formal “check presentation” however, and I don’t believe Donkey Kicks have been performed at that AO since.

Speaking of the Goat, remember that time we welcomed an FNG where the Godfather was the Q and made some potentially embarrassing comments about himself.  When he welcomed the young looking FNG in the COT, he was worried he shared too much since he is a teacher at a local school.  He asked the young buck, “tell me you’re not a student at SCHS, to which the young buck declared, “Yes I am”.  You had to be there and there is more to the story but I won’t share it here.

I have heard of the Dr. Feelgood beat down at Martha’s house complete with pre-planted candles all across the gloom, Outhouse’s football game with a glowball, and Marthapalooza.   Some memorable workouts were Romper Room, Stroganoff’s Wolfpack Grinder, Dolph’s World, Bandit’s Crab/Bear Soccer, BA’s Cinder block beat down’s, and of course the Bojangle’s Biscuit compliments of Whoopee.

There was the recent C-Span/Chaser Guest Q-School and workout where they stressed the importance of the disclaimer. Anthrax knows the rest but the disclaimer became real after that one. #nobackwardsrunning

One memory that stands out is the FNG who posted only once before accepting an invitation to a second F event at the Hickory Tavern.  When the conversation came to the Q calendar, our new guy stepped up to lead a future Saturday morning workout.  His decision may have been influenced by the strong men he was surrounded by or perhaps the “curls” he had been performing at Hickory Tavern to work out his guns.  On the day of his VQ there were some strong leadership lessons followed by military formation with our Q calling the cadence.  As most new folks find out their cardio isn’t quite where it should be.  Less than half a lap in on the first lap around the track and maybe the second verse of “Two old ladies lying in bed, etc.” our Q began either grumbling unrecognizable sounds or complete “dead air”, leaving the PAX to start imitating the noises, mocking mercilessly, or leading other cadences, some which may have been inappropriate.  “Bobby” Jenkins became legend that day.

I encourage you to read “Freed to Lead” before the event as it will make the day all the more meaningful as we transform into modern day warriors.  It won’t make as much sense otherwise.

So for those F3Gashouse faithful and the select men that helped plant us and encourage us to grow, I say thank you.  This event will be challenging, fun, rewarding, and hopefully a great tribute to the first year of F3 in Gastonia.